.:just another day:.

So school today was all about GI system and assessment of NG tube. I also started practicing for my Sterile Drsg/Drain Removal Checkout.

I had dinner with Love, Marivic, Marvin and Baby Sarah @ Red Robins on Lougheed. I missed Jersey Shore, hopefully I get to see it tomorrow. If I can find change for bus, I'll go to Lovey's house and just watch it. I look forward for another nice day tomorrow.

Lord, I thank you for blessing us with a nice weather, safe travels, food on our table, and the life that you have given us.

.:27 minutes:.

It took 27mins of your time just for me and I appreciate that. Makes up for what I've been feeling earlier. I love you even though sometimes you don't show it or tell me that you love me. I'm too in love. Please take care of our magical relationship.

.:No one else comes close to you:.

The last four days of my life have been busy.
Sunday:
I went to Angelo's Baptism, even almost had an argument because Love wanted to play basketball. Sometimes I don't understand how he's allowed to decide last minute on what he wants and gets it. So we didn't stay that long to Angelo's baptism and he wasn't able to take enough photos as well. So we hurriedly drove all the way to Vancouver to finally get what he wants which is to play basketball. So after playing basketball, we drove back to Surrey to drop off the Lancer to Tito Bembol's to get the new parts in. We got dropped off at Surrey Central so we decided to eat the Cucina's for dinner. I had clinical the following day so, I tried going to bed early.

Monday-Tuesday:
It was clinical days and it was all over the place on the first day because our instructor had to drive back home to give her husband's car keys. So that took our 2 hour clinical time away from us. Instead of doing research, we were just hanging out in the cafeteria. Tuesday Love, prepared me my lunch that I didn't get a chance to eat until later in the afternoon. I took a two hr nap as I was very exhausted and didn't sleep until 1am from watching Hope for Wildlife. We also had our Tuesday date but it was at Old Spaghetti Factory.

Wednesday:
I slept in until 10am. Suppose to have gone to do the grind with ate Joana, but my legs were not in good condition. From standing for such a long time the day before, I had to take the consequence of feeling sore and pain in my calves. Although, I felt a little coldness from Love, It's starting to go back again. When I spend time with him too long I don't feel needed. Again this is just my feelings. I may be getting the wrong impression but i'm just basing this on my feelings. Whenever I'm away, I notice that I am not needed, is it because he's had too much of me? I understand that he wants to chill with his younger friends but I'd like to feel important too. If I didn't call would you tell me where you were going? I believe I have the right even though I'm just a gf. When i'm away from you and you call me, I have to answer the first call because if I didn't you start getting pissed off. I'm not allowed to have an excuse but if i'm home or you know if i'm home you don't even bother picking up the phone to say hi. When I call you're out I always hear sorry I missed your call, I didn't hear my phone ring, blah blah blah...Show me some importance if i'm that important to you..

Could this be your list:
1. Basketball
2. Work
3. Camera
4. Friends
5. Gf. or maybe i'm somewhere up there but i'm just an attachment. (ugghh my frustrations) It's like a Christmas tree, i'm just one of the ornaments hanging in one of the branches and i'm not the star or the angel that's put up at the very top.

Also, I don't know what happen to Stanley park date? or the Body worlds? (Alannah don't expect anymore)

Anyhow, Lord, I thank you for blessing me with a wonderful day and for giving me the strength in being able to do things and having time for the special people in my life. Through it all, you're the only one that can hear me out anytime when I'm need of someone..No one else comes close to you..

.:Beautiful day:.

My day started off by having blessed a wonderful sunny weather. I got out of the house almost about 1030. I picked up Love, and our fun filled day started. We went to Burnaby, Surrey, Coquitlam and New Westminster. We saw and visited a few people. We went to his Uncle Danny's house and visited his 2 cousins as well, We went to the mall to meet up with Marivic and Baby Sarah to keep them company for a little while, Went to Lordco and picked up parts for the Lancer, To the Colasi's to pick up a lens that Mike lend to Love, Went to Sushi California to grab a bit with Ate Joana, Kuya Berdel and Baby Jarred, Went to the Pascual's to grab dinner at Royal Thai for some Thai food.

I really enjoyed my day, although I noticed that I talk too much and I can say very bad words towards others. I have to learn to change that way in order for me to learn in taking consideration of other people's feelings. They might take it the wrong way and I end up offending them.

Lord, to top it all off, I thank you for blessing us with a wonderful sunshine and rain to end the day. I am looking forward for what tomorrow brings.

.:sleeping in:.

Hi, so I slept in until 1000 this morning woke up with sniffles, runny nose and a bit of cough. Waking up beside the love of my life makes me forget about my sickness. As much as I wanted to stay in bed I had to get up and get ready to go home. I can't wait to see him tomorrow though :).

My mom and my sisters went to dragon palace for dinner to celebrate mama's birthday. We went to the restaurant to also reminisce the times we ate there with daddy. It was also a good idea that we ate there because the resto was closing down. It was a bitter sweet feeling because that was one of my dad's fave restaurant because it is where we get mama's happy feet (chicken feet).

Lord I just pray for my loved ones and the desires of true heart. I also pray for James relationship with his parents especially with his mom. Everything to work out as you have planned for all of us.

I can't wait to get kisses from my love again and his bear hugs. I love life and what it brings me whether good or bad.

.:happy birthday:.

Happy birthday to the woman who carried me in her womb for nine months and to the woman who had so much patience in raising me up to now. Mama happy 48th birthday. I love you so much. You have been our strenght and the light to our family. I thank God for blessing me to have an understanding and awesome mom like you. Love you

.:teeth extraction:.

Lord, I pray for my love Alvin's dentist appointment today, as he will get his two teeth extracted. Please guide the hands of the dentist and his assistants, that the procedure will be safe, and not too painful. Please provide Alvin the relaxation he needs for the procedure. I pray for a successful and relaxing procedure.

.:Critical thinking:.

I slept in this morning until about 0930. I was able to do something productive which is do some drug cards to prepare for my acute shift next week in clinical. Also, I was able to do a chapter for my PG tomorrow. I was able to spend a little bit of time with my Lovey and we watched the Oasis channel about dogs. Drove to Lordco, to look at pieces for the Lancer. I was also able to do laundry and washed my bed sheets, so i'm looking forward to sleeping in a fresh laundered sheets. =D. I also gave James medicine because I felt bad he was not feeling well and coughing. I also helped mama clean the lancer. I also got to talk to Chellsa on the phone and chatted for a little bit.

Spending time with My Love gives me a reason why Loving is so important. I am brought here to love others as well as love myself.

Lord, i thank you for giving us a sunny weather today. I thank you for giving me the time in spending quality time with all my family today. I just pray for Chellsa's continuous recovery from her sickness as well as my Lovey's health with coughing. I also pray for his newly found hobby, may he use this to bless others and capture sceneries that may inspire people and share what you have blessed us with. I also pray for our growing relationship with one another. I pray for my sister Kaye for a peaceful heart and to have patience in finding her long time partner, for Em's school and her relationship with James. For James' relationship with is parents especially his mother, may you provide him with patience and understanding. For my grandma's health. Lastly, for My Mama, her health and her birthday that is coming up tomorrow. Please bless our family.

.:My head feels heavy:.

School started off pretty easy today, a bit of a review in regards to fractures. Glad to have done most of my homework. I also found out where I'm going for clinical and it will be at Lion's Gate Hospital. It was my second choice so it was okey. I get to be with a new group. We start clinical next Monday. A bit nervous but excited because I'm actually going to be a "student nurse" on the acute floor. We get to go on the medical and orthopedic floor =D. I got home with a bit of heaviness in my head. Probably my visitor is coming pretty soon, as i'm getting symptoms.

I miss my love, I miss being in his arms and just having to be able to smell his scent anytime I want. Eventhough he bothers me at times, it's his way of his sweetness towards me and his "lambing". Looking forward to seeing him for a little bit tomorrow.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day and for keeping my family and loved ones safe and away from sickness. I pray for my headache to go away and looking forward to another beautiful day tomorrow.

.:Closet clean up:.

Today, I learned how to cook Menudo, and I am looking forward to cooking it for my one and only LOVE. I was able to get help from ate Aya to clean up my closet. I also got most of my homework done for tomorrow.

It was nice to know that Love has been sharing me the things enjoy for himself. Although, I am not able to do what he does like ride motorcycles, it is already a feel good feeling that he still shares his interests with me. I am so content with what I have right now. It is already perfect. Simple and nothing to be boastful about but just full of love, support and kindness from others.

Lord, I thank you for providing me and my loved ones safety, guidance and shield from sickness. I lift up to you the rest of our night.

every day I fall deeply in love with you and more of you...

.:Rainy Weekend:.

Wow, what a busy weekend! To start off, finally my sister was able to celebrate her long awaited 18th birthday. It ended up very successful and all was into place. I specially thank James and My one and only Love Alvin, for helping out with our family; also ate Aya for keeping the juice going.

The only thing that got me kind off bothered was when my friend Marlo was just standing around and not helping us out. Not a single lift all he carried was his camera and 3 roses that he took from my mom. *sigh*

Anyways, I just had to let that one go. Today was a very wonderful day for me. I woke up beside my one and only true Love Alvin Guevarra Lescano, I went to the morning service in Surrey, drove my mom and Emmy to New West, and then spent time with my LOVE and cheered for him for his typical Sunday basketball. I'm looking forward to seeing more of his games! =D. Had lunch at Church's then I dropped him off. I got home and watched Emmy open her presents.

My weekend is usually always the best because most of the time I get to spend it with my Love. I can't help but express how In Love I am with him. I believe that with some bumpy road in our relationship together We both "smooth" things out by both having to understand one another, hearing each other out in regards to feelings and other emotions, at the same time we give way to one another. Lovey thank you very much for coming into my life and looking forward to the rest of our lives together! I love you very very much. =*

Lord, I pray for continuing guidance of my school and being able to learn and absorb what is being taught to me and apply them with my future career, my sister Chellsa, please provide her with healing as she is not feeling well, My mom the strength as she was tired from the whole weekend, My sister Kaye for a peaceful heart as she find her true love in due time, For Emmy to be able to grow and learn that being an adult is one way of being responsible for her own decisions and learning from her own, My lola for her peace of mind and open her heart out to other people; Most especially for my Love Alvin, for continuing and pursuing his dreams, may he accomplish them with happiness and share them to his loved ones. Guide him through is decisions and may everyone's health and our relationship grow even more with you. Amen.

.:Cloudy friday:.

Last few days have been memorable. Especially most of the days with my love. =D. Cooked arroz caldo and chicken sopas for my love. So much love love love. Cough syrup helping out and had a goodnight sleep. Looking forward to spending more days with you.

to be continued...

2254
I went to pick up my love to do some walmart shopping got a few things for our little home sweet home. We also drove to Richmond to Aberdeen mall, Lovey got a new lens for his camera! it was really a good deal. Then we drove back home but didn't get to spend much time but tomorrow we will again =D. I got to kiss him goodnight and got a big tight hug from him. I always miss him more now than before. I just can't wait to be finally in his arms forever. =D. I better go to bed I still have to be up early tomorrow.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day, for keeping me and my family and my love safe, for the blessings that you have provided us, the food, and the gas for our car. Thank you for your unconditional love.

.:Nando's Toonie Tuesday:.

The highlight of my day besides having school is that, I got to spend a little bit of time with my love, We had dinner at Nando's on Marine Drive and we realized how there are so many filipino who eats there. He also said that we should start having Nando's every Tuesday! =D that made my heart jump because, it could be a start of something that we actually do together!>.< got me teary eyed for a little bit. We walked to starbucks to have our tall caramel apple spice. Then on our way to winners but only lasted us for 5mins. Then we headed to pick up my sister's banner. Even though I didn't get to cuddle as much I still enjoyed and gave me joy I was with Lovey today. (oh yea i got to watch him play madden 11 earlier before heading out) Then we went home..i gave my goodnight kisses.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day. I look forward for what you will bring tomorrow. Please keep my family, Alvin and myself healthy and away from illness and have safe travel and in our daily activities for the day. Thank you. Amen.

.;Monday Night football:.

So my day was full of love love love. I tooke care of my lovey as he was not feeling well. I made him chicken noddle soup, got him orange and banana and made is into a smiley face. I also put some Vicks on his body to make him feel better. I slept for a little bit, he played madden 11 and then we went to the doctors to get his dr's note and we went for all you can eat fish and chips for lunch. We went back home and napped and cuddled for about 3 hours. I did the dishes and went home. I made sure he had more soups to eat before leaving.

After today, I thought to myself that I'm ready to be with this man for the rest of my life.I have never been more in love for the second time around. I went home and watched the San Diego and KC football game (14-21)with Love watching it at his house too. They lost but lovey said it was okey because it's only the charger's first game.

I felt a bit sad whenever I have to leave him. I love my family don't get me wrong. I just want to have a family of my own and that is with Alvin and myself.

Lord, thank you for your guidance and strength in everyday. I pray for continuous good health and guidance in our relationship and our school together. As well as starting a new life together as a couple.

.:Love is sweeter the 2nd time around:.

To sum up our very intimate and serious conversation earlier! We finally came into a conclusion that we are still IN Love with each other and cleared things that were left unanswered.

I love you with all my heart and always will. Alvin Guevarra Lescano!

Let's do this together and no more secrets. Let's have our relationship to be more open and be supportive with each other because in the end we only have each other! Again I love you! =*)

.:Paano ko Sasabihin:

Day 1 1/2:
How long should I wait? Should I even bother? I'm still confused myself even though I said goodbye. But I also thought it was what he wanted because i just kept walking away, the door shut and I had to walk further. Was I blinded? Is this actually over? Nothing to go back to and no chances of growing. There's no definite answer. I need this to heal. To put back into pieces. Should I just keep going on my own? *SIGH*

.:after 4years, 8months and 7 days:.

It may have started sweet..but all things has to come in an end..

from {} to { } says a lot. Now, I understand and I believe in the saying "Actions speak louder than words"

.:Lump in my stomach:.

Hiya! So I tried sleeping in till 9 today to get some extra sleep. I ate sopas and toasted bread for breakfast. Started and Finished 1st part of my sister's birthday giveaways while watching my favourite teleserye "Kristine". I picked up my mom from work, picked up kaye from work, drove all the way to Metrotown to pick up Emmy's dress that took us an hour to drive due to MAJOR MAJOR traffic. Anyways so she tried it on again and it fit her. Walked around for a little bit, and a big stomach pain started to bother me. It was sharp and only stayed in one region. It was also hurting my left lower back but I felt the little lump that I used to have before. Maybe I'm just feeling a lot of stress lately and body reacting to it in different ways. I listened to it with my stethoscope, i heard bowel sounds and I did move my bowel. I put on this ointment that hopefully will help me through the night. I've been burping, so i'm thinking its gas too, but also the lump is annoying. Anyways I got to talk to my Love for a little bit and he's not feeling so well. =( I wish that I could take care of him but he has told me that specifically he wants the weekdays to himself. I miss him, but I like it also when he misses me back. I told him about how my day went and he did about the same. Nothing much to talk about he was tired and not well. I hope he'll have more things to tell me next time, maybe tomorrow.

Lord first of all I thank you for blessing me with today, a sunny day yet with clouds. I pray for My Love Alvin's health, take away any sickness that is forming in his body in order for him to be able to work and stay healthy. I also pray for his work that his coworkers may treat him nice as well as safe in all they do at work. I also pray for my classmate Louise (my mother in class)as she went through cervix/ovary checkup. Lord may the result of the tests to be something that she does not need to worry about. I pray for my school tomorrow, as I go back and let it be something that I will take on and remember as I will be looking after your people while i'm still here and when I finish this schooling. I pray for my health as well, I am feeling a little different lately. I ask for a healthy life and away from sickness. I ask for travelling mercies for all of us and my sister Chellsa for living away from home. Always keep my friends and family safe. Amen.

.:Partner:.

So I had a really had an interesting night. I cried to sleep. It started off by my sister Chellsa asking me "ate, how are you" and I cried myself out so much that my pain had to be let go somehow. I have been feeling this pain for the past almost a month and a half. Someone already finally had thought of checking up on me, besides God. Anyways so I opened up to my sister Chellsa, of how i'm in pain with my relationship with Alvin. I felt a bit better after crying it all to her, she also prayed for me. Which gave me a sense of comfort. So today, I woke up with swollen eyes and knowing that My Love will be coming over to drive us to Abbotsford today. I did not know what to expect or do. I felt a bit awkward because I have feelings for this guy and I don't even know if he feels the same way. If he didn't feel the same and I see him a lot it just hurts me more. So we finally started talking after a few games of ping pong at my sister's bible college.

And so Love said that he still loves me. I just forgot if he's still IN LOVE with me. He also told me that we were getting to fast in our relationship. We lived together already, and according to him it was just too fast. I just wonder after 5 years I thought a lot has happened already. A lot of our friends even say the only thing missing it to get married and have children together. But at this point in time basing it on what he said by us being too fast in our relationship is that He wants to start everything new again. There's just one question that came across my mind, Does that mean we have to renew the last 5 years of our relationship together? For both of us to actually find out if we're the one for each other I have to wait another 5 years of my lifetime to find a lifetime partner?

Although I also thought wouldn't dating couple have been decided to get married because they want to grow old together and find out more things about each other as an individual...it's part of the relationship...or could it mean that he's just not in that mentality yet.

Honestly, I'd want to be married with someone that will take care of me as long as he can and grow with me through faith, as well as be the best friend I ever had as long as I am still living. I NEED a MAN who has no doubts, fears, and second thoughts with his decision as long as he has thought of them ahead of time. I'm not asking for someone spontaneous but for someone to have me as a privilege to be part of his life and be considered as one of his many blessings.

I need a partner that will understand me however circumstances I am in, whether i'm in a bad, sad, lonely, happy mood and you name all the emotions. I want to be able to share that with him as well as his own emotions. I will pray that I will be the same in treating my partner as how I want to be treated; with respect, importance and not humiliated with what he has which is ME! =D.

...Around 9ish pm the door bell rang. I got scared because we're not expecting anyone..Emalean opened the door and it was to my surprise my Love Alvin. He dropped off my bus pass that I forgot to get from him when I dropped him off. It was my reason to offer him a ride home. It was still worth it because, "i'm not suppose to see him" but there he was at the front door. he was a little hesitant with giving me a Kiss (that got me sad) because again it gives me reasons why he's doing that to our relationship. I want to know his motive and reasons. He kissed me before. Does he not have any spark or chemistry whenever he kisses me? or Is it just a kiss of showing PITY? (Love, I know that one day you'll get to read this. I would like an answer if that's okey. So I know it's just fair for me to know and not be left so clueless on where I stand)

Lord I surrender everything to you and I know in your will everything and every pieces will be put together somehow.

.:I can't put my finger on it:.

It all started Friday when to rude girls came and entered the 'abode'. All I heard was complaints of being hot in the room and just being rude. I find that they have no care in the world of who's house they're in. They never care if they had spills or left any mess and just left. So I didn't have the mood to go clubbing but I ended up going. We didn't get in the club until passed 11. Slept in on Saturday morning and picked up the car. It was still a bitter sweet feeling towards each other. Very short tempered and pissed of being beside me the whole day. I went to my friend Camille's wedding. It was a nice reception ambiance. Sunday, I slept in until 9. I made breakfast and still a bitter sweet. I'm finding reasons I feel that it's not working and running out of love to give. It came into a decision that time apart may be happening, due to some conclusion that there will be no time for me as he wants to have his own activities for himself and for the weekends I'm usually with my family. We don't enjoy the same things together anymore or I don't even know if we ever have?

I hope my prayer request will be answered.

.:Energy - Keri Hilson:.

I just realize i'm actually experiencing what the song is all about...

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much enegry in him and me
Can't wait til I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy
We gotta re-reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)

Seems only like yesterday
Not even gravity
Could keep your feet
Off the ground
When u go to me
How can two be as one
We've become to divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy (Oh, Yeah)
We gotta re-reverse the chemistry
(We gotta re-)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Energy)
Taking all of

Cause your taking all of my energy
I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy
We gotta reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy

I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy (Oh)
We gotta reverse the chemistry (Oh, Oh)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love
Is taking all of my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Oh)
Taking all my energy (Oh-Oh)
Energy, My Energy (Taking all of me)
Taking all of

Ya killing me
Ya taking all of me yeah, oh
This love is taking all of my energy

.:Happy to be Single:.

I didn't get that much sleep last night, I kept worrying about my healing test today. Thank goodness I passed, although next exam I will do much better. I believe the reason for me not doing as well is that I don't feel too inspired lately and useless. I got out early from class today. Consequently, Kim, Ate Arlene, Shirley and Myself witnessed a guy being arrested. It started off as just a normal conversation but the "suspect" was refusing to give his name for a ticket in not purchasing a fare. How could you be so stupid. a $2.50 fare compared to a $500 fine or ticket? And swearing at the cops and refusing orders is not going to get any better. So the male cop was about to rest the man because of his attitude. The "suspect" was resisting and therefore it ended up into a big brawl. 2 other cops was present at the scene and a sky train staff. To sum it all up, it was a scary scene.
Then i carried on to the sky train and stopped by Metrotown to grab some candies from Sweet Factory. I got my chocolate covered gummies and my fave sour candies. I shared them with my sisters and surprisingly I still have some left.
I had dinner with my family, James and Domer were over to join us. It was a filipino delicacy, (dilis, boiled egg, boiled tomato, and galungong). Also I skyped with Oli! I hope I was able to do what he did. To live far away from home.

Haven't really heard a lot from my love today. He's got his own plans as he wants to do activities for himself. As I am only allowed to spend the weekends with him. I wonder if I die during the weekday what could happen? I just have to go by the saying "everything happens for a reason". I feel that he's enjoying his time with other people so, is this a sign for me to make a turn and start my own path? Who knows. If he doesn't find happiness with me, does being single makes one happier?


Lord I lift you up the rest of my evening. I ask for traveling mercies as I have a 10hr work day tomorrow. I ask for guidance and peace of my heart.

heading out to drop of peeps...

.:home bound:.

So I stayed home today attempted to study but i only studies for about 4 hours tops for the day. Had a very intimate and serious conversation with my love. It started off like this.
Alvin
hiya
12:25pmAlvin
hoya
hiya
12:25pmMe
hi
12:26pmAlvin
what time on monday
??
12:26pmMe
i'm not sure i don't have the full details
do you have plans for yourself?
12:27pmAlvin
i was gonna go for a ride
but i will cancel
12:27pmMe
what time is that?
you have no work on monday it's a long weekend
12:27pmAlvin
nope
i planned it for 11am
12:28pmMe
what time is your riding lessons
ok i'll let mom know you're busy
12:28pmAlvin
i planned it for 11am
12:28pmMe
adnan can't get a hold of you daw.
i'll just tell mom you're busy
12:31pmAlvin
i'll just cancel
i'll do it another time
12:31pmMe
i didn't tell you to.
i'm sure it will be fine
12:32pmAlvin
if your mom needs me to drive im willing to to
12:32pmMe
i will let her know. kasi I can drive naman or kaye.
12:32pmAlvin
ok
12:33pmMe
naisip ko din baka mag burst ka nanaman dahil nasasakal ka ulit.
12:33pmAlvin
thats fine
im just trying to find some time to do activities..
that's all
12:34pmMe
kaya nga.
and sometimes i know i can't be part of it
or my family
12:35pmAlvin
weekends we are together on the weekdays you come over...
so its pretty late na during the week to do anything
12:36pmMe
so i don't come over as much. i just did this last week because of the wedding. no worries you have more alone time
12:37pmAlvin
hindi nmn sa ayaw ko na mag come over ka
it's just by the time you leave it's too late too do anything else
12:37pmMe
yun nga. ako nag come over. I find time to go to you instead. coz you don't have time to go to me
12:38pmAlvin
we spend lots of time on the weekend
12:38pmMe
so I won't bother coming over because you want to find your own activities. no worries starting your league you'll have your sunday's to yourself
and hopefully when i start working. you'll find more activities and time to do what you want.
12:40pmAlvin
i hope your not taking this the wrong way love
12:40pmMe
when I was over last week. you left for your lessons. i didn't complain.
You just want more time for activities right?
12:40pmAlvin
i know but i felt bad that you were home alone
now that i have my weekends with you
and fridays
12:41pmMe
that's only for a short time. sooner or later i need to work to save up for my National exam which is worth a 2 weeks paychq and for my practicum
12:43pmAlvin
honestly im looking for activities during the week so that i dont get stuck doing nothing at home but watch tv
12:44pmMe
which you have been doing
12:44pmAlvin
ya and i need to change that
12:45pmAlvin
right now im looking for a program to take in the winter
12:45pmMe
i mean you have been going out during weekdays. You have your bball, your p90x, motor lessons..
12:46pmAlvin
p90x i did twice since i got back form san diego
bball once with mike
motorcycle 2 times
12:46pmMe
how about with douglas people
12:47pmAlvin
they are kinda busy preparing for school
12:47pmMe
all i'm saying i haven't been taking your weekdays away from you. It was only this week that I spent a lot of time at your place
12:47pmAlvin
i know
im just saying what i need to start doing
12:48pmMe
and you have been.
what do you want to accomplish by the end of this year if you don't mind me asking
12:50pmAlvin
i would like to have a more active life
12:50pmMe
what do you feel that is missiing in your life right now?
12:51pmAlvin
im starting out with a new hobby which is the photgraphy
ewan ko nga ba love
nalulungkot lng ako
sensya ka na ha
12:52pmMe
am I not doing my job to keep you happy and content with life?
12:52pmAlvin
hindi ikaw
12:53pmMe
"it's not you it's me" ganon ba?
12:53pmAlvin
parang patapos na buhay ko pero wala pa ako nagagawa
hindi nmn ganion
ganon
im thinking
baka kelangan ko umuwi ng pinas
para makita ko ang inay
she's getting older and natatakot na ako
so overall depressed lng cguro ako
12:56pmMe
kasi for me ang buhay hindi kailangan make it complicated. Pwede simple lang. HIndi ko kailangan ng sobrang bagay sa buhay ko kasi i'm happy with what i have in the present
well i told you that long time ago but you never listened to me. you had the oppurtunity with the money you received pero ayaw mo. you insisted.
this kind of thing gives me so much pain, because I feel that I don't have anything to offer for you kasi you're not happy.
it is also reflected on me. that's why I say things and always ask you if you still have feelings for me. all along this is what you're feeling and been hiding pala.
12:58pmAlvin
i have feeling pa rin nmn eh
di nmn mawawala yun
12:59pmMe
meron din ako nararamdaman i hope you take consideration of that din. kasi i always think na meron ka din nararamdaman. its not fair for me din na you hide things.
you said "i have feeling pa rin naman eh" is there a pero? what feeling is that?
12:59pmAlvin
i know pero ayaw ko mag worry ka especially taht you are doing well in school
that mahal pa rin kita
1:00pmMe
what is mahal to you?
1:00pmAlvin
i love and care for you
1:00pmMe
as a friend.
1:00pmAlvin
as a friend andgf
1:00pmMe
What are your priorities right now, if i may ask
1:01pmAlvin
my priority right now is to marry you
1:01pmMe
be honest please
1:01pmAlvin
i am you can marivic and kennedy
ive been talking to them about it behind your back
asking for advice
looking into planning
you can ask them...
1:02pmMe
pero i feel that you're moset priority is your inay.
i don't want to take that away
ayoko magsisi ka sa huli
1:03pmAlvin
thats also a plan but i would like you to be with me when i go back
1:03pmMe
alam mo naman hindi ko afford yun love.
i haven't even saved up for my trip next year.
as much as I want to be in the picture. i'm not
1:04pmAlvin
well make sure you are
brb
1:05pmMe
nalulungkot ako for you dahil hindi mo magawa gusto mo. I feel that I'm the hindrance to your dream

In the afternoon he came over for like 30mins but the whole time he was trying to get our phone fixed because we couldn't make calls from it. We were about to leave to the filipino store and he asked me if i wanted some hickory stick and my answer was "im good" ofcourse our little game "what's your name?" came up. I answered...My name is Alannah "i'm good" Toribio LESCANO! I was so shocked that I answered so quickly without thinking I was shocked with myself. It came to a point where I became a good laugh for the both of us. I felt embarrassed and apologized because It's not my last name that I mentioned. He's going to play ball with his newly found friends tonight at Dougie. I hope he keep himself safe and no injuries. I hope he's accident free and careful. I dropped him off and bought me subway for my lunch tomorrow. Thanks Love. I dropped him off. So, I found out that he's more of himself and talk more when we talk on chat. He rarely talks to me face to face. I hope someday he can talk to me with his emotions face to face and not just always joke around. I find that He can talk to me face to face if he's joking around, or making UTOS, or when he's mad..pero not when he's hurting inside or his real emotions are. I don't get to see his soft side. Anyhow I pray that I will pass my Healing 3 Test 1 tomorrow. I plan on studying in the morning so I have to wake up early.

I hope he calls me goodnight. Tonight and not be in a bad mood.

Lord thank you for giving me enough sleep last night and for the wonderful weather. I look forward to another day with my loves. Please provide me with wisdom and knowledge to answer all the questions in my exam tomorrow morning. I also pray for continuous guidance with my schooling as well as my relationship with Alvin. May it grow deeper and meaningful as we put you in the middle of our relationship until it is your will for us to be together. Amen