.:Skating:.

Monday:
I worked for 10hours. I was exhausted. Slept and cuddled with lovey

Tuesday:
I slept in with Lovey, we went home and he put together a t.v stand for mama to help her out and surprise her. Went skating with new found friends, Lovely, Brian, ate Janice and Dee with their children Abby and Caleb. We also had our late dinner at Mcdonalds. It was fun skating especially it was my first with Love. Glad to be having full of memories with him and friends.

Wednesday:
I was called in to work @ Cheyenne, I took it for some extra cash. Before heading to work I dropped by lovey to greet him goodmorning. I tickled his elbow to wake him up and sniff him as my usual routine every morning. I got off work and he was playing his NFL; his favorite thing to do at the moment because he has no internet at home. Lovey and I helped mama put away the old tv stand in the garage. WE dropped off presents to our god children, and we also had a good sleepover at the Lingo's residence.

Thursday:
Slept in for a little bit, breakfast at the Lingo's, went to Lovey's house to shower, Lovey had to work @ Bench for a few hours, I went back to the Lingo's to help out ate anne and Krizza with a little bit of errands, went home to my mama, waited for lovey to get off work, transferred some photos on the photo player thing, picked up lovey from the skytrain and he brought me my Christmas presents! =D Thanks lovey I love them!!! I'm just sad I have no present for you this Christmas =( but not to worry everyday is Christmas for us anyways. I can still surprise you next year. Lovey watched Salt, I wasn't able to because I was on Facebook. But I was still happy that I was with him. WE had siopao for dinner from ate Anne and she treated me for bubble tea too! Lovey and I also helped Emmy wrap her presents for her 18 candles. It was a nice bonding time for the 3 of us.

Lovey, Alvin Guevarra Lescano, I can never lose my love for you because up to now I can say I AM STILL IN LOVE WITH YOU! Thank you for everything...

Lord thank your for another day and another wonderful time my family and friends.

.:Lashes:.

Aiya it was been a few days since I have done my blog. I took advantage of my 2 days off but it didn't really feel they were days off because I was busy looking for presents for my god children and treated myself for lashes and a few clothes for myself that I got good deals from Esprit. It was a success though, I just need to drop them off to the right kids. Saturday was a very hectic day for me. I had to work @ Cheyenne and I went to one of my bestest Baby Shower Katrina and Mike Colasi to celebrate the coming of baby Michaella! We were able to celebrate and enjoy it with our new group of friends, Ate Janice, Lovely, Brian, Kat and Mike; of course Love was with us too! We had so much fun, full of laughter and shared lots of stories about each other. I'm looking forward to our skating night!

Today, I had work again but I was pretty exhausted because I did a lot of work today. I also went to Chloe's bday which had lots of food and performances courtesy of his mom's friends. It was fun and I was full! I was able to see love in between the job and the party, too bad he didn't join me to enjoy the lechon, kare-kare, spaghetti, pancit, deep fried shrimp and octopus, bopis, fruits for dessert, leche flan, buko pandan dessert and many more. Thank you for a busy weekend and giving me the time of my life in celebrating my 2010 Christmas Holidays; with my LOVE and family and friends.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day and for giving me the ability and strength in my activities for today.

.:Brace Face:.

I better write this thing down before another week comes by. So last weekend was another good/great one because not only I had work, but I with My LOVE. It started off from
Friday:
We went to visit our friend Marianne and Kevin to welcome their baby boy Klyde! and then we headed to Brian and Lovely's house to celebrate the B squared (Brian and BJ) birthday. We played charades which the Gentleman took the title for winning 2 games. The priceless part was that Brian had a toast for welcoming Lovey and I in their circle of friends. It was nice knowing that we are welcomed and opened up to us like a family. It was full of laughs and craziness. Even though I had work the following day, I still had a blast!

Saturday:
Lovey came over and we watched Inception, the Hockey Game and just cuddled in the living room

Sunday:
Lovey came to celebrate our church's Christmas party and free lunch. It was nice to see that Lovey enjoyed church that day..It made my heart bigger =D. Nakakataba ng puso! haha. Then we headed to Surrey with love for another early Christmas dinner @ Tita Rem's. It was nice to have my love all weekend and having my mom be more open to him and talking to him. I'm also glad that as much as he loves me he loves my family too! BTW thank you my love for helping me out with my temporary room in moving stuff around for the window guys to be able to work around the room.

Monday:
I had to work at Tanner, although it was only for four hours. I felt overworked and stress, probably with too much lifting because I feel like I have a knot on my mid back =S. I ended up being the driver too so it was really very tiring. I also went to Lovey's house to sleepover but with too much annoyance I flicked his nose which i felt bad after crying so much because of being tired. I slept well though. I think I just needed that cry to fall asleep earlier.

Tuesday:
Lovey prepared me lunch for my 10hour shift today. He woke up early for me just to cook me spam. How sweet is that! Then when I got home to see him again, I just couldn't resist but I brought him home with me to come and buy Christmas gifts for our god children. I'm glad that is over and done with.

I am looking forward for my evening shift tomorrow because I get to sleepover again =D *big smiles!

p.s I just hope he finishes the book we're reading together so we can start on our next book together. I look forward to watching despicable me!!! =D

Lord thank you for a simple life. I'm very content already.

ShaJay/DomYna ~ Tampo + Kilitian Scenes PHR: ALYNA

I came across this filipino soap opera and this episode just hit me. I don't watch this show but I was able to relate to it... Tampo and Kilitian

*sniff I just miss my LOVE now *sniff..

I Love you! =D

p.s This got me laughing too..or actually gave butterflies in my stomach..I can't wait to spend the rest of my life like this with you...

.:Ladies Night:.

Sleeping in today kind off caught up with sleeping late for the past couple days. I was able to do my laundry, fold my mom's and sister's laundry, the dishes, errands for my mom and the mail. I was able to hang out with my girlfriends. Michelle P., Monique V. and Jubail S. I picked them up and ate at Earl's. We talked about the girl stuff..basically girl talk. After dinner, we went to superstore and Nikki bought us a red velvet cheesecake and ate it at her place. We had some hot drinks along with our cheesecake and talked some more. I had a tour of their house which is really nice. I also gave them a Poinsettia Plant.

I got home and called Love, and sounded to be having a bitchy mood. Not sure what was up with him. I asked he said he wasn't but he seemed very sarcastic with all his responses to me and a bit annoyed at something. Anyways if he has a problem and doesn't want to share it up to him. Is this me getting tired? I'm just looking forward to another day for myself tomorrow. I'd rather have him miss me than get sick of me..could my old thoughts be an option again? hmmm..let me recall and think about it...

.:59 months:.

It was a beautiful 59 months I spent with my love this weekend. I was able to spend time with him.
Friday:
We had dinner at Royal City Thai restaurant and ordered our fave dish. Green curry chicken, chicken satay and some veggies and mango ice cream to finish off the dinner. We also went for a drive in Richmond, Burnaby to pick up John along with Daniel, drove to Surrey to have bubble tea and drive thru Mcdonalds because John was hungry.
Saturday:
I had work for four hours @ Cheyenne. Went to Ate jessica's baby shower which was quite fun!
Sunday:
I went to church to especially for the first Sunday Communion and to finally be going to church once again. Had dinner with Lovey at Wings...our usual.

To sum it all up weekend was great, spent time with family, and my LOVE!
DrivingtowhiterockfortheSanchez.Pushingmetostudy.Beinghappyformeformygoodgrades.SupportingandencouragingmeevenwhenIdidn'tdowell.Meetingupwithme@29thstnaftermywork.Danica's7thbdayparty.Jubail'sbabyshower.Dinner@CockneyKingswiththePascual's.Lunch@PinPinwiththePascual's.TitoLeo'sbday.BabysittingSarahwithyou.Wingsnight.Mondaynightfootball.Sundaynightfootball.AteJessica'sbabyshower.DrivingthePathfinder.Stop@Church's.Surprisemew/yourbraces.Bench!.Trustingmewithcuttingyourhair.Watchingyourbballgames.Andmanymorememoriestolookforwardtoo..I love you soo much!!!

.:17mins:.

So my day started of really early today. I dropped of my mom at work. Attempted to sleep again but failed because suddenly someone started hammering our window. But wait before that, I called my love a goodmorning and with too much emotions and missing him a lot, I started crying. I'm a cry baby when I miss lovey a lot. The longest we have not been together or see each other was 4 days. Had a non productive day =S a bit disappointing so Lovey suggested I should read my nursing books to review. I will start tomorrow. What I enjoyed today was I was able to have a conversation with my Love for 17mins. That was the longest out of the whole day. It also included a real conversation and not just asking how your day went but It was actually a nice, sweet and loving conversation. He greeted me already for our 59th monthsary =D. One more month it will be our 5 years or 60th month together. Although we've had a rough year we manage to work things out and talked through our misunderstanding. Lovey thank you for sticking by me although sometimes I don't feel it. I just need reassurance sometimes and your honesty. I love you from the bottom of my heart!

Lord thank you for another month, another day, another lifetime...

.:Teeth:.

Highlight of the day is I finally got out of the house and got my teeth cleaned and polished by Nicko Go for free because he's a Dental Assisting student. So I finally got me cleaned. So after talking about random things at home. I found out why our rent is increased because one, kaye is earning big bucks, 2nd my grandma and myself are worth $250 each. Then Emalean bursted out coz you're still living here..I kept my mouth shut but my mom went on and said it's okey. So now i'm feeling to be more of a burden for mom. Maybe I really need to find a job and just work and support myself. *sigh..i better get my shit together..this is not helping me cope with my own stresses..its me against me..where should I start? or how should I start? Lord I need you everyday, every hour and every minute...='(

Boyz II Men,.live Christmas in Rockefeller Center 2010 HD

John Mayer - Perfectly Lonely (Battle Studies Full Album Version)

I can relate to the song and lyrics right now

.:Love:.

Are we still In Love? I have been feeling lonely lately. Is this suppose to be a job as a girlfriend or is it something that I'm suppose to just have my open arms and embrace it. Is this another sign of us growing apart from each other? One reason that I could think of right now is finding a new place moving in it and wanting to live with others. I was looking forward to finish because I wanted to help but I think once the move happens I will have a better idea where I am in the relationship. It sucks to feel that I still don't know where to stand since we decided to make this work once again. I feel like I haven't done enough or have not met your expectations. I have been trying to balance everything that is happening in my life right now. Is my time for you not enough? I find that I am comforting myself already and not seeking for yours or wait a minute, whenever I seek for you, it's always the wrong timing. Maybe I need to be independent once again or someone needs to hit me with a hammer saying wake up, that's all you have with him. It's really harsh to think this way but I don't know the reason why it's giving me these thoughts. Am I not doing or fulfilling my duties as a partner? or as an individual? I have nothing else to offer. I don't have my education it's put on a hold AGAIN, a job that is not permanent, and a future that is on hold..Is there any room left to LOVE?

.:I miss you:.

I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you I miss you!

Do you get what I'm saying? :'(

.:Why?:.

Why do I...
always have to ask for a kiss?
always have to ask if you love me?
always have to ask where you are or what are you doing?
always have to be the complicated one?
always have to be misunderstood?
always have to fail?
always have to be stepped on, bullied or picked on?
always have to be wrong?
always have to be the one understanding?
always have to be patient?
always have to be the nice one?
always have to be giving?
always have to lie?
always have to sacrifice?
always have to give way?
always have to get the left overs?
always have to make mistakes?
always have to be the imperfect one?
always have to be less happy?
always have to say yes?
always have to feel that everything is okey even if it was not?
always have to pretend?
always have to be or pretend to be perfect?
always have to be the smart one?
always have to make the right decisions?
always have to support myself?
always have to be ending up alone when it comes to problems?
always have to ask if I'm missed?
always have to ask if I'm doing my job as a gf, daughter, sister, friend..?
always have to be looking for a job?
always have to worry and think?
always have to be judged and questioned?
Why me?...

.:Before I Die:.

I would like to have done this with you...before I die...
~Watch an NFL game live..with your favorite team. I've seen a CFL with you already
~Watch a live NBA game with at least one of your favorite team
~Watch a hockey game
~We have been on a short plane ride together but a longer one would be fun too!
~Go to Europe, Japan, Australia, and South America with you..
~Buy a place condo/house/apartment together
~give you a healthy child
~lose weight and look perfect for you
~finish reading the BIBLE with you
~go on a cruise
~ride a roller coaster *check when we were in San Diego
~roller blade at the park
~scuba dive with the sea creatures
~paint a symbol of our love for each other
~snowboard on a snowy mountain
~witness you cross a stage by accomplishing something you enjoy and been wanting for yourself
~finish reading a book with you
~bake a cake or muffin
~visit to Jerusalem
~visit the Philippines with you
...

.:Repeat:.

So I was not successful in my Nursing Arts final. I needed to get 75 marks out of 100 and I only got 65. I was disappointed in myself because I changed most of my right answers. Now I just have to accept the fact and hopefully I get in this January 2011 with the Generic class. I really hope there will be a spot for me and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I need to surrender this all in order for it to work not just for myself but if this is your will...

.:Brrr:.

Ey,
so I stayed home all day and I only went out to get the mail. Boy it was freezing cold!!!I hope I can take the cold weather tomorrow when I go to school. Anyhow, I was able to do some research again and cooked dinner for my mom and sister. I boiled egg, broiled milk fish, and boiled tomatoes. Yummy dinner. I need to lose weight though.

I also got an over all mark of 68% in Healing. I am so happy to have passed that stage and now I have 2 left I hope to do the same and do well in my exam and integration. Thank you for guiding me Lord. I ask for more guidance and emotional support as I am going through something in regards to my self esteem and confidence.

Alicia Keys and Beyonce Put It In A Love Song Music Video

.:Long Nap:.

I apologize that it has been almost a week that I have not been giving my POV and thoughts. I have been quite stressed lately especially with my exams and weight gain. I have been looking at the mirror and I don't like what I see. =S it is unfortunate but somehow I just don't have the urge to be around people anymore. I always have a problem with what to wear because I'm getting very conscious with my body and afraid to be picked on because I know how it would affect my self - esteem.

So I'll just do a quick re-cap of my week. Last week I started off by cramming for my Healing exam which I wrote last Thursday >.<. It was a bit hard but I will find out on Monday the results of my exam and will know if I have to re-take Healing class. I was able to help my mom out on Friday while she had her bible study group here at home, I was able to look after the little kids. It was also Lovey's first day @ Bench, and he was exhausted that day working for more than 16hours. =S. He said he enjoyed his first day and made new friends. Then Saturday, was a long day for me. I started off by waking up early because of the neighbour, not sure what they were doing but I heard banging sounds, then headed to work @ Cheyenne for four hours which ended up a bit tiring oh and It snowed! Then I went home took a nap, headed to Danika's 7th birthday party in Burnaby and then to Jubail's baby shower. I did not get home until about 1am. =S It was worth it because I was able to spent half of my day with my only Love and the one who will loved me unconditionally. Then today's day was great, I was able to watch my love's game with our good friend Marivic, Marvin and baby Sarah =D. They were cheering for Alvin and I was gladly honored to be taking care of Sarah as they enjoy the game =D. We also had our dinner @ Pin Pin because it's they're last week here already. I didn't get to say goodbye. Now this week, is just about to begin my stress level is not getting any better. I have 2 more exams coming up and that is my not the end of it because I still have to do good in them because I have no more supplemental exams left. >.< I'm starting to feel the stress in my body, my upper back and left shoulder has been bothering me, my left hip feels like it is getting dislocated when I do a certain movement. I just look forward for this holidays to relax and prepare myself hopefully for the Practicum and Preceptorship. I also want to make a special mention for tito Leo and Tita Chona praying for me today.

Lord, I just lift up to you my heart as it is very fragile at the moment and my emotions that are very low and down. I am already feeling like I do not deserve to be around people who cares for me. I know I am not suppose to feel this way, please guide me and show me the light to walk towards to the right path. I feel like I'm alone and have no more chance to feel happy about myself.

Jeepney Love Story - Yeng Constantino HD

.:Serenade:.

So I slept in today. Attempted to finish off my research but I did not start until 1pm =S. I did some review for Healing exam. I better do a lot of studying Tuesday night and Wednesday the whole entire day >.<. I drove my sister, Mama and James to the lawyer and as I wait I was able to read a little bit of my healing notes.

My bestfriend Jr called me just to see how I'm doing. Lovey checked up on me which I like and love a lot because it just gives me the feeling of him having to remember me even we're apart.

I was able to finish my part of research, watching the boxing fight on our HD (recorded) and now my love is serenading me with a lot of songs..=D giving me the good heebie jeebies..and did I mention I love it when he does the dougie? =D hihihi...

Lord I pray for my sister Chellsa's cysts on her breast. Please heal and make the cyst benign, i pray for guidance and wisdom for my upcoming exams. Guidance for my sister Kaye and Emalean. Continous guidance for Love and I's relationship. My mama's health and keep her from any harm and give her the strength when she goes to work and does work at home.


Sunday: I woke up beside my love, did some healing reading, had all you can eat lunch at Sui Sha ya but it doesn't taste as good anymore, then went to support my lovey while he plays basketball. =D

Saturday: Worked 10 hours, while I skype with my sister the boxing fight but it was blurry. Then I met up with love and his friends after my work and had some chilling time at OC.

.:Cutted:.

I missed about 6 days of not writing here and boy a lot has happened...

Tuesday:
I had my PG exam I thought it was really good and the challenging part was the multiple questions part instead of the essay question. Then lab in the afternoon was a bit of a drag. I also got to try my first respirator mask "fit test".

Wednesday:
I slept in, attempted to do school work but I ended up helping my mama with the house hold chores. I finished her laundry and folded them, put away the dishes and cleaned some dishes. I was also able to do my laundry. Then I went over to lovey's place we had our all you can eat fish for dinner and a movie night. We watched The Grown Ups. It was pretty funny. My sister Emmy and James got into an accident, and we didn't find out until the evening and the accident happened in the morning. =S

Thursday:
Slept in beside my love, watched the movie I rented Sex and the City 2. It was alright. Then went to Downtown for a little bit to drop off lovey's paper works for his new part time job @ Bench PC. Then he brought me home and we put mama's christmas tree together. it was a good bonding moment. He watched his thursday night football, basketball and hockey while i fell asleep beside him. Then I drove him home.

Friday: Slept in again, tried to do school work and I was able to do a little bit until I had to help out my mom at home, drove my sister, james and mom around so we can find a walk-in clinic but failed. Drove my mom to her bible study, drove em and james to wonton house. I thought I buy my love groceries at season's mart and surprised him. I got to Lovey and looked forward to his tight and squeezable hugs >.< We watched a movie at home with his "brothers" John and Daniel. Got dominos and wings. It was yumm-O and this drink that lovey bought me to taste. I'm looking forward to drink it tomorrow after work. =D. Too bad I won't be able to watch the boxing fight.

Lord, I know I have not been disciplined with using my credit card, I ask for guidance and continous blessing with my relationship with my family and especially my love Alvin Lescano. Please guide us with our walk with you and be able to understand and respect each other as our journey proceeds and continuously give unconditional and eternal love for each other.

.:Waves:.

So it was just a relaxing and study day for me today. I finally got my wax and a first time for a mini facial. It hurt a little bit but my black heads are taken out. Thanks to Hannah for being patient. I cooked lovey longanisa for lunch but he just decided to not take lunch and come home early =D. Then we skytrained to his new part time job Bench @ PC mall to drop off some paper work. I'm proud of him that he got a part time job. I just hope that he balance his time for work and play and for me. =D. Anyhow so I studied for PG and I feel 70% confident, I just need to review again tomorrow morning to get the examples in my head but the concept itself I have in my head already. We had dinner @ Ki Sushi and grabbed our new favourite at WAVES Dark Belgian Hot Chocolate =D. Lovey's Steelers (NFL)won 27-21 vs. Bangles. Now he's playing his PS3. I finished reviewing for my exam tomorrow, but I'll refresh it again tomorrow morning. I also started my Integration research for Case 5. I hope to do more during break after exam tomorrow..Looking forward to starting my weekend after tomorrow! Thank you for blessing me financially with having to have extra borrowed money. I ask for guidance and control of using my credit card.

Thank you for the wonderful day once again. I better get reading on the His/Hers book..i hope to finish it soon so we can start on our second book =D

.:Alone:.

Here's the list on what happened this weekend.
Friday: I watched a bball game of Douglas College vs UNBC mens/womens both lost. Boston Pizza with lovey's mature friends which I actually enjoyed. Sleeping beside my only love was the best moment ever and waking up beside me makes me feel protected.

Saturday: I went home, I found out my sister Kaye didn't go home to sleep at home. I never thought she would have done it at a guy's house. Anyhow, went to WalMart with my sisters while waiting for my mama to get off work. I went to ate Ayame's baby shower. I saw some old friends but we didn't stay that long. Then lovey got a hair cut (mohawk) at Metrotown. He looks so fly now. ;). Then we didn't know what to do afterwards so, we checked out Drinks Lounge on Columbia, New Westminster the verdict? not bad at all. I have been enjoying my alone dates with my love =D. Gives me more memories to look back to. It was a good, romantic, fun date.

Sunday: I witnessed one of my friend Jubail and Henry's small yet intimate wedding. I thought it was very memorable and meaningful as it was my first time to witness something like that. Lunch at their place along with Henry's family and our good friend Marvin, Marivic and baby Sarah. Then I went to support Lovey's bball game, unfortunately they lost but my love played his very best and I am so darn proud of him. I just worry sometimes when he gets hurt >.< =(. Then we went for another dinner date at Wings on Kingsway.=D It was his first time eating there so I wanted him to try it. It was a nice dinner once again.

Lord you have been great to me all day. Thank you for giving me the blessings for today. I give you back all the glory and honour. Thank you for keeping me humble and at peace.

.:Ponder:.

Ephesians 4:31-32

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

Regine Velasquez - Been Waiting (2010 Video & Lyrics)

Regine Velasquez - Been Waiting (2010 Video & Lyrics)

One day...I will...

.:Bench:.

I was able to sleep in a school day today. We had a healing review and It helped me quite a bit on what to focus and study for the final exam. I really need to do well on this exam as I was not too successful with the 2nd one. Anyhow, I also did my catheter check out which went A Okay!. I did not miss any steps and I was able to do the procedure according to the "book". Lovey had an interview at BENCH downtown today, He said that his interviewer was a damn son >.< =S gave me a little bit of a worry. I do hope that he gets the position as he has been wanting a second part time job. =D I just hope if ever he gets hired he will still have time for me, be happy with the job, and not to be short tempered because of always being tired.

I got my monthly visit last night so, I was not feeling well this morning, good thing I bought my advil at shoppers i spent about 47 dollars on my pads and necessity for my monthly period =S. I was able to pay some of my student loan and jysk too.

Anyhow, so I went home to my mom's in delta. Had a little bit of talk with my mama of how she was so shocked when she found out that she was going to cut the ribbon for their Grand Opening of WalMart Super Centre.

I decided to finish my perceptor sheet and I called this particular person that works at Burnaby hospital and just asked nicely if they take student from VCC. I was glad to get an encouragement on I should keep doing what I do, and when I was asked where I was picking my perceptor she went on by saying "Maybe you just picked the ones that close to your boyfriends". I was in shock when that came out of her mouth. What did she mean when she said that? I felt insulted. I told myself one of these days, when I see her I will approach her and clarify what she meant by that and her reason to say that because she does not know me well enough.

Lord, please guide my heart as it is vulnerable at the moment, and anoint my lips as I prepare to speak with this person. I know that at times I judge, but I make sure of it that it does not have any other meaning but it is more of my honest opinion.

Thank you for a wonderful day once again and for my loved ones being by my side.
All that matters to me are my mom, my sisters, my relatives and lastly my Love Alvin.

.:Toy story 3:.

It's our 58th months as of today and I got to spend it with my Love. I went home to my house in Delta for a little bit, then I went to school for an open lab practice for my catheterization skills check out for tomorrow. I was able to practice, I just need to remember the one small step that I've been missing which is opening the catheter itself and placing it on my sterile field and doing my "airplane field" on the perineum. Oh yea I took a power nap on the skytrain on my way to school so I woke up feeling refreshed. It was such a nice day to enjoy and commute outside today. The colour of the leaves and the sun just making them stand out more is telling me that it is really the fall season.

I wanted to go to Anna's bakery to grab something for Love to surprise him but he just told me to come home. Anyhow, I was going to cook tocino for our dinner but Love just decided that he'll have his whopper wednesday and I have my flatbread sandwich from Subway.

I also watched Toy Story 3 with Lovey. It was a good movie and it made Lovey teary eyed in the end. =D.

p.s. He teased me today and I liked it! hahahahaha too bad the visitor came.


Thank you for blessing us with more days with each other and for the entire day that you have given us, travelling mercies and the food we ate.

.:Schanks:.

Monday evening I went to Catherine's bday dinner at Schanks at Starlight Casino in New West. It was a nice bar very big with mini golfing area as well as lots of pool table. We will be going there again. I had fun that night with Love and his family, good laugh and watched my love's favourite sports, hockey, football and basketball..all happening at the same time! whew! Lots of big screen tv's i tell yah.

Tuesday was just a school day and I was half paying attn and half not. I was a bit tired. Probably because Lovey was not beside me during my sleep. I was so sleepy and was late for 5 mins. >.< I got to learn the sensory system, burns and urinary system. It was our last healing class and not I need to prepare very well for my Healing final as I didn't do great on my last one.

Wednesday is our MONTHSARY actually our 58th Monthsary =D Glad to have waken up beside you this morning =D. Just gives me the heebie jeebies..whenever you give me the hug everytime we're in bed...and ofcourse all the time =D. I will make a special note on another entry..=D I love you.

.:Go wear your up dawg!:.

This entry was suppose to be done yesterday but I kinda forgot. So anyways, I did a lot yesterday with my one and ONLY ALVIN LESCANO! First I went to pick up Love, guest what he was doing, watching his usually seasonal show...NFL =D. I don't mind because I like watching it with him. Then we went to Braid Stn to meet up with Sarah and Marivic so we can go trick or treating at Guilford Mall. Sadly, they didn't have one this year. We also met up with Ate Kaye, Jubail, Amor and Henry. So we just ended up eating in the mall and having a few laughs. Lovey took Sarah shopping. =D

Then we got dropped off at lovey's house, and we headed to his bball game. And all I can say was my love did his best game ever. Not so much points but I liked how they had all team work and assists. It was such a close game that lovey took the 3 pts. shot and tied the game which led them to a 2mins. OT. They still won! by 3 pts. whew what a nerve racking game. Lovey got nervous though, I knew why because he missed his 2 foul shots. Then we left and decided to have dinner at Congee House! We had our usual Duck Congee and ordered the house special fried rice to go as pasalubong for mama and emmy.

Lovey came over and spent time with me. We watched the funniest home video and just spent time together which is the most wonderful thing when i'm with him. Then I dropped him home.

Yesterday was a great day and today will be the same. Thank you Lord for the rain and for a goodnight sleep.

p.s.
Alvin: Go wear your up dawg!
Lannah: What's up dawg?
Alvin: Nothing much, yourself?
Lannah and Alvin: hahahahahahaha

p.p.s I want to thank my Lovey for helping my mama put up the Christmas lights. Good thing we put it up already. =D I love you so much

.:You know why?:.

So I forgot to add on the highlight of that babysitting Love and I did for the Pascual's. Lovey was so kind enough to help me out with changing SArah's diapers. So he held her legs and I was the one doing the actual changing. I started taking off the soiled diapers and Lovey started gagging. I started laughing because he ended up throwing up in the toilet and stuff was coming out. I felt bad but I had a good laugh..=D I still love him no matter what.

So Thursday, I had a long day, Clinical Judgment and Emergency Procedures at school and it was a full long day. I didn't bother staying after school to practice my catheter checkout as I was very tired.

Then Friday came, I had breakfast with Lovey and we had our breakfast wrap at this cafe close to his work. Then I went with my girlfriend Jubail, to pick up her and future hubby's wedding band for their upcoming intimate wedding. She treated me for lunch, then went to Lovey's crib and waited for him to go home and I ended up napping. Then we went for a little trip to the mall..and got some good desserts which I haven't had any!!!(I better get some tomorrow) hihihi we got them from Anna's bakery. Then we got ready for our bestest Marivic's bday dinner. It was going well until Marvin had announced that they are moving back to Calgary for a while..who knows for how long..but I didn't get to stop the tears from my eyes..I got really sad. =( but on the other hand, it is good for SArah.

Saturday, I went home to my mama and helped her out at home and Lovey helped out with putting up our Christmas lights..He is such a great help for mama. It's just that now as much as I want to have a new long life journey with Love, there's a part of him that doesn't want to be with me because he knows my mom still needs me. Anyhow, so I had work from 5-9. Love dropped me off and picked me up. I went to his nephew's (rap rap) bday. I had a good laugh with Lovey's family. hey, I missed them.

I have been pretty much spending the entire week with Love I hope he doesn't get sick of me..and yes I started going to the gym! I hope I keep at it..and I got to study for my PG finals too..i'll do some more tomorrow >.<

Lord thank you for everything that you have blessed me for the past few days. I look forward to another day.

.:Babysitting Sarah:.

Hiya! so I had a doctor's appt today and I got my seasonal flu shot, and my lab works on how much protection I have from Hepatitis (if I need a booster shot to prepare for my practicum and perceptorship). Then I went home in Delta, did some laundry, caught up with my teleserye and finished majority of my homework. =D Then I had an early pho dinner with my sister Emmy. Oh yea before I forget, Kaye said that her special someone has told her I ???? you to her but he's waiting for the right time to say it.

So I headed back out to babysit baby Sarah Pascual. It was my first time sitting a 3 month old baby, it was a little tiring because my strong arm was sore from the flu shot, but I got her to sleep for a little bit, danced her around and kept her comfortable. I enjoyed the whole day.

Thank you Lord for giving me the strength, the time and courage.
Thank you for my close friends and loved ones.

p.s a friend of mine called and asked for a favor if her bf and her could sleepover for a night at Love's house. I was not comfortable about it and it is not my home. Eventhough, I didn't want them to sleepover here for a night, we were babysitting and I don't know the guy.

.:Pasta day:.

I wrote my Health Final exam. It was not too bad. I hope I passed it. I also went to Goto King with my filipina classmates and I had arroz caldo =P. Then we had a mock exam of possible questions for the national exam. It was tough. Then I went to lovey's and we bought groceries for dinner, did laundry and went to the gym. Now my love left me to shoot some ball at Douglas. I'm feeling sore but I know this is for my health.

Thank you for the rain, the guidance, and the time.

.:Day 1 of Gym time:.

So, my day started early today. I was able to do some studying for my Health exam tomorrow. I was also able to cook lunch and dinner for myself and Lovey. I also went to the gym for a run. I feel good having all these things done all in one day. I just wish I can stay here in New West as everything is more convenient for me.

Thank you for the rain, for the food and for the time you had given me.

.:Love and Basketball:.

I went to Surrey church and celebrated their 3 year anniversary. Then I watched and cheered for Lovey's bball game. They were winning but the opposing team caught up. It was alright because my love's playing time was very good and did his very best =D. Then we had dinner at our favorite resto Nando's on Marine Drive. I had some studying done for my health exam.

Lord thank you for today, for safety and I am looking forward for tomorrow!

.:aji taro:.

My day started off a little rough because lovey woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Good thing I left him for a couple of hours to get his alone time. First we went to a baby shower of our friend Kevin and Marianne. They are having a baby boy and their theme was blue. It was all the way in Port Coquitlam so it was a little bit of a longer commute/drive for us. After some games and food at the baby shower, we went to brentwood mall to walk around a little bit and chilled at Starbucks, before Kuya Dale's birthday dinner. We went to Aji Taro in Richmond where we had all you can eat especially Salmon Sashimi =P. It was a good dinner because it was just myself, Love, KUya dale, Danica and Randolph. It was a small dinner which I liked. Then we went home. I had a nice day with my love.

Lord, thank you for the rain and a wonderful day.

.:out in the open:.

So, the highlight of the day is that when my boyfriend asked me "I want to dress up as Jesus on halloween"...

What a very controversial question. What did I feel? I feel offended. I would never thought of dressing up someone that is related to any religious or faith of someone. Being like him is already mocking him. There is no other Jesus, no other God, no other Mary, no other Joseph, no other heavenly being that can replace them here on earth...

I am crushed..Lord be by my side..=*(

.:just the way you are:.

So I had a day with my best friend JR. It was nice because of the sunny weather. I appreciated every bit of the trip I had. He drove me around Vancouver for about 2 hours. I've never been around much the city, so It was a good drive around town. We went to Deep Cove, it's a nice place, beautiful and quiet scenery, too bad I didn't have a camera to take shots and probably had my own photo skills. Anyhow, then he treated me for lunch, we had wings at RAVEN bar & grill. It was good wings and on special too! After that we went to his house, I chilled with the two doggies NuNu and Miko, Tita Anne, Egay, Jenny and JR. We watched a Filipino movie but I was playing with the doggies the whole time. Then we went to Richmond to watch the movie RED. Very good movie, funny and suspense =D. Haven't watched a movie in the theaters in so long.
Anyhow so I got home and called LOVE, and he sounded like he was not even in the mood in talking to me. Ok the big ass headache was to blame, but come one; having a call from the person that is in love with you for so long and you haven't heard from the whole day, wouldn't you at least have the patience of talking to her but it all sounded like short temper. I had to ask the question 2x as I didn't her the answer the first time. I was looking forward to talk to him but no, nothing; cold shoulders. Also, I didn't feel like I was someone's girlfriend, I was the one that had to check up on him. Well at least I showed that I care with sincerity!
I shouldn't even bother about why my caring is not appreciated. I just do my very best and what I am capable off. nuff said...

p.s I thank you God for blessing me with a wonderful day. I pray for mom's recovery from her sickness. For Kaye's condition as she is not feeling well, for myself, Emmy's and Chellsa's schooling now that exams are coming up. For Domer as he find a better job. For James' studies and relationship with his family especially with his mother. Lastly, Alvin guide him through his life as sometimes I don't know how to become his source of strength as I feel that I am just taken for granted. I lift my prayers to you in your name...Amen


when will it be my time?

.:bevel up:.

So school today was all about gynecological complications and/or procedures. It was very interesting and I did learn something and surprisingly it stayed in my brain >.<. We also had some love making talk with my peers..haha i know funny right?
Then I picked up my stuff from Love's house and I'm so glad that he started his photo lessons..and good news he enjoyed it =D. I look forward to hearing more things about his photography lessons..=D I went to Celebrations with my sister and she so nice to grab me a couple books for couples =D. I hope that Love will agree on reading them with me. They're a short easy read so I hope it will not overwhelm Lovey. I watched a couple of my favorite filipino shows and now i'm just waiting for my love's goodnight call.

Lord thank you for the wonderful day, for my family, my friends and my love of my life Alvin Lescano...speaking of him..he's calling now

.:Sunday basketball:.

So my Sunday started off at 8am..got ready for Richmond Church Anniversary, witnessed how the sister church grew, went to Lovey to pick him up for his basketball game. He made me cry because I got too upset of him smelling my armpit, and he knows its one of my embarrassing body parts that I don't really like. We went to Vancouver for his basketball game, they were winning but the other team was able to catch up. My love did his very best already, I just hope his teammates helped him. They were relying on him too much. He may be my batman but the team needs his help..he needs a lot of Robin...Then we went to Ate Anne's house for STella and Dot's trunk show. I didn't really get any jewelry, i don't have money so I just hung out with Love. Then we went to Danica and Danielle's because Lovey had to help tito Danny with installing something on his pc. So Love and I had a pretty long day. Looking forward for what tomorrow brings. I just have to finish folding my clothes and do some homework early morning.

Lord thank you for being by my side through good and bad along with my Loved ones.

.:Train ride:.

Hiya! So, it has been a couple of days. I was working for two evening shifts. My love went clubbing with friends on Friday night, we cuddled all morning until I had to go to work again.

I noticed that whenever I find myself lonely and my love is going somewhere I can't go, I end up crying =S. Is this how it feels like being IN LOVE? it feels good but crappy at the same time..because I know this may not be forever as death will part us someday.

I had brunch with Lovey at Ki Sushi, and he also picked me up from the skytrain after work today =D and had a train ride together from 29th Avenue until new westminster.

Anyhow, thank you for a wonderful sunshine, and good health for my family and friends.

.:Nando's:.

So I had nursing arts today and all we did was neurological and neuro vascular assessment. I had a sister time with kaye and got our wax done, bought Nando's for dinner Kaye's treat. I owe so much to my sister, I will return it to her once I get a stable job.
I saw Love and got to take a small nap with him while I waited for my sister to get to Lovey's house.
I was also the gas girl as I gassed up the two cars. I didn't pay for gas but I filled it up for them.

Thank you for a productive day.

.:church's chicken:.

So I woke up around 8am, showered, and started my health paper. I had a productive day because I finished my paper around 4pm today. And I couldn't ask for more because my LOVE Alvin Lescano my future Hubby came over just to spend time with me. My sister Kaye also opened up to me about what has been happening with her and Mark. I gave her a few advices and just told her to keep her distant for now as he has been affecting her emotionally even though they are not together. I also had a surprise visit from my bestfriend Kevin and Marianne to drop off their baby shower invitaion. It was such a joy to see them. =D

Anyways, my love came over, we had church's chicken for dinner with my sister Kaye and Emalean, played a bit of Wii and I just sat beside him the whole time as he does his newly found hobby in photography and editing.

I thank the Lord for a wonderful weather and my blessing me with such special people in my life. I love my love Alvin Lescano from the bottom of my heart and my love for him keeps going stronger and fonder! Everyday seems to be a happy day despite of some sadness but to give it some fun. I love you, you and you!!!

.:Tuesday for Lovers:.

School was good today, I got to do my sterile wound/drain check out with a satisfactory grade which is good. I also learned how to discontinue a CBI. I had a meeting with my healing instructor and she told me not to worry too much but make sure I will do much better on the final exam because that is my last resort. So I will study my hardest, use all the resources to make sure to study very well, with peers and ask my instructor for clarifications.

Best of all! I had my Tuesday date with my Love Alvin Lescano!!! I came over to his place..watched a little bit of tv, cuddled and had dinner at Old Spaghetti Factory in New West. Of course I had my new favourite, the grilled chicken linquine pasta and lovey had his usual lasagna. Thanks lovey for giving me some bebe time!.

I love you!

Thank you Lord!

p.s I pray for Mahal's family and his uncle's family. Condolence mahal.

.:I will take you forever:.

I was a man who always played around in love
So quick to take but so afraid to give enough
But now I’ve found the one
And heaven will only know
What only my eyes can say
And time can’t take away

I was a girl who trusted no one with my heart
And the dreams that young girls dream
Were just vanishing in the dark
But now I’ve found the one
And heaven will only know
What only my eyes can say
They say

That I will take you forever
And there will never be anyone else in my heart but you
And I will take you forever
And there will never be anyone else but you
Anyone else but you

Now my heart belongs to you
And I will always be your best friend
Now my secrets are safe with you
And the magic will never end
Now you are the one
And heaven will only know
What only our eyes can say
They say

That I will take you forever
And there will never be anyone else in my heart but you.
And I will take you forever
And there will never be anyone else but you
anyone else but you, anyone else but you.

You (you)..oohhh.
That I will take you forever
And there will never be anyone else in my heart but you.
Now I will take you forever
And there will never be anyone else but you
anyone else but you.
I will girl take you forever
By your side I won’t leave you never
I don’t need anyone else but you
And I will take you… ohhh…forever. Ohh…
I will (I will) take you forever.

Kris Lawrence feat. Denise Laurel

.:Trip to Calgary:.

So the 12 hour long drive wasn't the greatest but having to spend it with my Love made it better. Although he may not have slept the whole long drive, I treasure every moment I was with him. We witnessed Crystalyn's Gloss Salon opening, Baby Sarah's baptism. It was a nice trip but will never want to long drive there again, maybe to fly I would.

Consequently, a news from school didn't make my weekend finish happy, I did not do well on my exam and It was a fail. Now I am very worried for where I stand in the program. I didn't want this to happen =(. I don't know what to do, I don't have any supplemental exam left. OH NO!>.<

Happy Thanksgiving

.:breakfast at starbucks:.

I had breakfast with Love at Starbucks. I went home, I started studying, but my migraine attacked so I napped for a little bit. Watched a little bit of tv, and got back with studying again. I'm planning on waking up early tomorrow to study some more.

.:clinical is over:.

So I missed the last 2 days of my entry so here it is.
Sunday:
I watched my love play ball. They lost but that's ok because he did well for his game. I just didn't like the fact when a spectator was trash talking him and I can hear ut. I just shut my mouth the whole game and watch lovey. We also had a family dinner with the family including love and Domer. We had our last dinner at the golden palace because it was closing. It was great because it was our 4yr and 9months of dating, so we had a little bit of celbration and celebrated mama and dad's wedding anniversary.

Monday - Tuesday
were my last 2 days of clinical. It was a pretty breezy shifts. I was more familiarize with how the unit works and what priorities I had to look into on my shift. It was a pretty good experience. I would like to try a different hospital if I may. I showered and napped for a little bit. I had all you can eat fish and chips with lovey. Now we're just watching the worlds tallest children.

Lord thank you for blessing us with sun today. For guidance in my practicum. Safety and good health of my family. The close and trusting relationship with my love.

.:4 years and 9 months:.

It has been 4 years and 9months since I said Yes to you (ofcourse, I said yes to be your gf =D) We may have one our very first big argument and break a few weeks ago, but we both made it work. Now we have communication in our relationship and supporting each other with what we enjoy and love to do for ourselves. Thank you for your patience, giving spunk in our relationship (you're green mindedness, being funny and always giving me a smile on my face and at times a frown but the smile weighs more). Love I look forward to our future and our future family. I cannot promise to be around forever but I will tell you this, I will love you as much as I can for as long as I live. If ever that time comes, I will wait for you in heaven. I love you!

On the other hand, I had a productive day, I actually got my structured journal finish and now I can start studying for my Healing exam this Thursday. I need to do very well on it as I just passed the previous exam. So will get on that tomorrow. I also went to Mikaela's christening dinner at fleetwood, lots of food. I also dropped by the victory party for the YA with Love, we played games and Love was able to receive a door prize, but he forgot to take it from me. Anyhow the day was productive, fun and full of sunshine! Thank you Lord! for keeping my family together and safe.

.:patience:.

So the last few days I have been noticing how my mom has been very irritated especially with me. It all started when she said along the lines that I'm bigger than my sister Emalean, so it's okey for me to take the bus late at night and she can't. Another incident that happened was, I had to get gas because it's very dangerous at the gas station. I understand that it's really dangerous at the gas station especially at night but, I hoped that she didn't make it sound like i'm the guy in the family. Again it went along the lines to be just me filling up the gas all the time because again..it is not safe. Has it occurred to her mind that I'm also a girl? and a lot of things can happen to me? Or wait because I'm big, I can protect myself. Lastly, from what I recall is her water decor in the living room where a ball spins by the flow of the water. So it was not lit or not turning. She went frantic and wondering why it wasn't lit or spinning. Ofcourse, my reaction was I didn't know and I didn't notice as I had just got to the living room this morning and started watching tv. But, there was no reason for the behaviour as it was just accidentally unplugged.

I was getting too overwhelmed as I had been feeling treated unfairly. I'm also her child aren't I? Or wait I'm an accident, I think? So hear me out, If your parents got married on Sept 30, 1984 and You were born on January 18, 1985 wouldn't that mean...(just do the math) So I had to figure that out myself and found out not long ago. If I could turn back time and have asked my dad why he never told me of the situation I would have understood. Nobody is perfect or was it because of Fear? Dad if you were here, I know you would be more open in telling me why you never told me about having me before marriage. I'm sorry but, i must have misinterpreted you and mom because I saw the perfect expectation of marriage..you know having to marry first before children. But no, at this age and time, I believe I would've understood.

The rest of the day I spent it with Love, I went to best buy and future shop to look into his tablet for his new photography hobby. Gladly, he found an affordable one. I went and spent time with him for a little while at his place as I watch tv and him on his new tablet. I enjoyed how we walked for a little bit and didn't have a car because we were singing to each other. "and i'll say hey, you'll say baby, how's your day, you'll say crazy..."

I waited for Kaye to get to the train from her girlfriends' night out in downtown.

Lord, even though you letting this happen, I know my patience and forgiveness is being tested. I just hope you understand that I need to go through pain first in order for me to forgive and forget. I am also trying my best to understand what my mom is going through. It is just hard for me too. So, I know you will be the only one that will understand me and my mom (for her troubles at this time).

Looking forward for a brand new day tomorrow.

p.s Chellsa surprised us along with Domer. Brother was nice enough to drive to her school and bring her home to us. =D.

Thank you Lord.

.:just another day:.

So school today was all about GI system and assessment of NG tube. I also started practicing for my Sterile Drsg/Drain Removal Checkout.

I had dinner with Love, Marivic, Marvin and Baby Sarah @ Red Robins on Lougheed. I missed Jersey Shore, hopefully I get to see it tomorrow. If I can find change for bus, I'll go to Lovey's house and just watch it. I look forward for another nice day tomorrow.

Lord, I thank you for blessing us with a nice weather, safe travels, food on our table, and the life that you have given us.

.:27 minutes:.

It took 27mins of your time just for me and I appreciate that. Makes up for what I've been feeling earlier. I love you even though sometimes you don't show it or tell me that you love me. I'm too in love. Please take care of our magical relationship.

.:No one else comes close to you:.

The last four days of my life have been busy.
Sunday:
I went to Angelo's Baptism, even almost had an argument because Love wanted to play basketball. Sometimes I don't understand how he's allowed to decide last minute on what he wants and gets it. So we didn't stay that long to Angelo's baptism and he wasn't able to take enough photos as well. So we hurriedly drove all the way to Vancouver to finally get what he wants which is to play basketball. So after playing basketball, we drove back to Surrey to drop off the Lancer to Tito Bembol's to get the new parts in. We got dropped off at Surrey Central so we decided to eat the Cucina's for dinner. I had clinical the following day so, I tried going to bed early.

Monday-Tuesday:
It was clinical days and it was all over the place on the first day because our instructor had to drive back home to give her husband's car keys. So that took our 2 hour clinical time away from us. Instead of doing research, we were just hanging out in the cafeteria. Tuesday Love, prepared me my lunch that I didn't get a chance to eat until later in the afternoon. I took a two hr nap as I was very exhausted and didn't sleep until 1am from watching Hope for Wildlife. We also had our Tuesday date but it was at Old Spaghetti Factory.

Wednesday:
I slept in until 10am. Suppose to have gone to do the grind with ate Joana, but my legs were not in good condition. From standing for such a long time the day before, I had to take the consequence of feeling sore and pain in my calves. Although, I felt a little coldness from Love, It's starting to go back again. When I spend time with him too long I don't feel needed. Again this is just my feelings. I may be getting the wrong impression but i'm just basing this on my feelings. Whenever I'm away, I notice that I am not needed, is it because he's had too much of me? I understand that he wants to chill with his younger friends but I'd like to feel important too. If I didn't call would you tell me where you were going? I believe I have the right even though I'm just a gf. When i'm away from you and you call me, I have to answer the first call because if I didn't you start getting pissed off. I'm not allowed to have an excuse but if i'm home or you know if i'm home you don't even bother picking up the phone to say hi. When I call you're out I always hear sorry I missed your call, I didn't hear my phone ring, blah blah blah...Show me some importance if i'm that important to you..

Could this be your list:
1. Basketball
2. Work
3. Camera
4. Friends
5. Gf. or maybe i'm somewhere up there but i'm just an attachment. (ugghh my frustrations) It's like a Christmas tree, i'm just one of the ornaments hanging in one of the branches and i'm not the star or the angel that's put up at the very top.

Also, I don't know what happen to Stanley park date? or the Body worlds? (Alannah don't expect anymore)

Anyhow, Lord, I thank you for blessing me with a wonderful day and for giving me the strength in being able to do things and having time for the special people in my life. Through it all, you're the only one that can hear me out anytime when I'm need of someone..No one else comes close to you..

.:Beautiful day:.

My day started off by having blessed a wonderful sunny weather. I got out of the house almost about 1030. I picked up Love, and our fun filled day started. We went to Burnaby, Surrey, Coquitlam and New Westminster. We saw and visited a few people. We went to his Uncle Danny's house and visited his 2 cousins as well, We went to the mall to meet up with Marivic and Baby Sarah to keep them company for a little while, Went to Lordco and picked up parts for the Lancer, To the Colasi's to pick up a lens that Mike lend to Love, Went to Sushi California to grab a bit with Ate Joana, Kuya Berdel and Baby Jarred, Went to the Pascual's to grab dinner at Royal Thai for some Thai food.

I really enjoyed my day, although I noticed that I talk too much and I can say very bad words towards others. I have to learn to change that way in order for me to learn in taking consideration of other people's feelings. They might take it the wrong way and I end up offending them.

Lord, to top it all off, I thank you for blessing us with a wonderful sunshine and rain to end the day. I am looking forward for what tomorrow brings.

.:sleeping in:.

Hi, so I slept in until 1000 this morning woke up with sniffles, runny nose and a bit of cough. Waking up beside the love of my life makes me forget about my sickness. As much as I wanted to stay in bed I had to get up and get ready to go home. I can't wait to see him tomorrow though :).

My mom and my sisters went to dragon palace for dinner to celebrate mama's birthday. We went to the restaurant to also reminisce the times we ate there with daddy. It was also a good idea that we ate there because the resto was closing down. It was a bitter sweet feeling because that was one of my dad's fave restaurant because it is where we get mama's happy feet (chicken feet).

Lord I just pray for my loved ones and the desires of true heart. I also pray for James relationship with his parents especially with his mom. Everything to work out as you have planned for all of us.

I can't wait to get kisses from my love again and his bear hugs. I love life and what it brings me whether good or bad.

.:happy birthday:.

Happy birthday to the woman who carried me in her womb for nine months and to the woman who had so much patience in raising me up to now. Mama happy 48th birthday. I love you so much. You have been our strenght and the light to our family. I thank God for blessing me to have an understanding and awesome mom like you. Love you

.:teeth extraction:.

Lord, I pray for my love Alvin's dentist appointment today, as he will get his two teeth extracted. Please guide the hands of the dentist and his assistants, that the procedure will be safe, and not too painful. Please provide Alvin the relaxation he needs for the procedure. I pray for a successful and relaxing procedure.

.:Critical thinking:.

I slept in this morning until about 0930. I was able to do something productive which is do some drug cards to prepare for my acute shift next week in clinical. Also, I was able to do a chapter for my PG tomorrow. I was able to spend a little bit of time with my Lovey and we watched the Oasis channel about dogs. Drove to Lordco, to look at pieces for the Lancer. I was also able to do laundry and washed my bed sheets, so i'm looking forward to sleeping in a fresh laundered sheets. =D. I also gave James medicine because I felt bad he was not feeling well and coughing. I also helped mama clean the lancer. I also got to talk to Chellsa on the phone and chatted for a little bit.

Spending time with My Love gives me a reason why Loving is so important. I am brought here to love others as well as love myself.

Lord, i thank you for giving us a sunny weather today. I thank you for giving me the time in spending quality time with all my family today. I just pray for Chellsa's continuous recovery from her sickness as well as my Lovey's health with coughing. I also pray for his newly found hobby, may he use this to bless others and capture sceneries that may inspire people and share what you have blessed us with. I also pray for our growing relationship with one another. I pray for my sister Kaye for a peaceful heart and to have patience in finding her long time partner, for Em's school and her relationship with James. For James' relationship with is parents especially his mother, may you provide him with patience and understanding. For my grandma's health. Lastly, for My Mama, her health and her birthday that is coming up tomorrow. Please bless our family.

.:My head feels heavy:.

School started off pretty easy today, a bit of a review in regards to fractures. Glad to have done most of my homework. I also found out where I'm going for clinical and it will be at Lion's Gate Hospital. It was my second choice so it was okey. I get to be with a new group. We start clinical next Monday. A bit nervous but excited because I'm actually going to be a "student nurse" on the acute floor. We get to go on the medical and orthopedic floor =D. I got home with a bit of heaviness in my head. Probably my visitor is coming pretty soon, as i'm getting symptoms.

I miss my love, I miss being in his arms and just having to be able to smell his scent anytime I want. Eventhough he bothers me at times, it's his way of his sweetness towards me and his "lambing". Looking forward to seeing him for a little bit tomorrow.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day and for keeping my family and loved ones safe and away from sickness. I pray for my headache to go away and looking forward to another beautiful day tomorrow.

.:Closet clean up:.

Today, I learned how to cook Menudo, and I am looking forward to cooking it for my one and only LOVE. I was able to get help from ate Aya to clean up my closet. I also got most of my homework done for tomorrow.

It was nice to know that Love has been sharing me the things enjoy for himself. Although, I am not able to do what he does like ride motorcycles, it is already a feel good feeling that he still shares his interests with me. I am so content with what I have right now. It is already perfect. Simple and nothing to be boastful about but just full of love, support and kindness from others.

Lord, I thank you for providing me and my loved ones safety, guidance and shield from sickness. I lift up to you the rest of our night.

every day I fall deeply in love with you and more of you...

.:Rainy Weekend:.

Wow, what a busy weekend! To start off, finally my sister was able to celebrate her long awaited 18th birthday. It ended up very successful and all was into place. I specially thank James and My one and only Love Alvin, for helping out with our family; also ate Aya for keeping the juice going.

The only thing that got me kind off bothered was when my friend Marlo was just standing around and not helping us out. Not a single lift all he carried was his camera and 3 roses that he took from my mom. *sigh*

Anyways, I just had to let that one go. Today was a very wonderful day for me. I woke up beside my one and only true Love Alvin Guevarra Lescano, I went to the morning service in Surrey, drove my mom and Emmy to New West, and then spent time with my LOVE and cheered for him for his typical Sunday basketball. I'm looking forward to seeing more of his games! =D. Had lunch at Church's then I dropped him off. I got home and watched Emmy open her presents.

My weekend is usually always the best because most of the time I get to spend it with my Love. I can't help but express how In Love I am with him. I believe that with some bumpy road in our relationship together We both "smooth" things out by both having to understand one another, hearing each other out in regards to feelings and other emotions, at the same time we give way to one another. Lovey thank you very much for coming into my life and looking forward to the rest of our lives together! I love you very very much. =*

Lord, I pray for continuing guidance of my school and being able to learn and absorb what is being taught to me and apply them with my future career, my sister Chellsa, please provide her with healing as she is not feeling well, My mom the strength as she was tired from the whole weekend, My sister Kaye for a peaceful heart as she find her true love in due time, For Emmy to be able to grow and learn that being an adult is one way of being responsible for her own decisions and learning from her own, My lola for her peace of mind and open her heart out to other people; Most especially for my Love Alvin, for continuing and pursuing his dreams, may he accomplish them with happiness and share them to his loved ones. Guide him through is decisions and may everyone's health and our relationship grow even more with you. Amen.

.:Cloudy friday:.

Last few days have been memorable. Especially most of the days with my love. =D. Cooked arroz caldo and chicken sopas for my love. So much love love love. Cough syrup helping out and had a goodnight sleep. Looking forward to spending more days with you.

to be continued...

2254
I went to pick up my love to do some walmart shopping got a few things for our little home sweet home. We also drove to Richmond to Aberdeen mall, Lovey got a new lens for his camera! it was really a good deal. Then we drove back home but didn't get to spend much time but tomorrow we will again =D. I got to kiss him goodnight and got a big tight hug from him. I always miss him more now than before. I just can't wait to be finally in his arms forever. =D. I better go to bed I still have to be up early tomorrow.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day, for keeping me and my family and my love safe, for the blessings that you have provided us, the food, and the gas for our car. Thank you for your unconditional love.

.:Nando's Toonie Tuesday:.

The highlight of my day besides having school is that, I got to spend a little bit of time with my love, We had dinner at Nando's on Marine Drive and we realized how there are so many filipino who eats there. He also said that we should start having Nando's every Tuesday! =D that made my heart jump because, it could be a start of something that we actually do together!>.< got me teary eyed for a little bit. We walked to starbucks to have our tall caramel apple spice. Then on our way to winners but only lasted us for 5mins. Then we headed to pick up my sister's banner. Even though I didn't get to cuddle as much I still enjoyed and gave me joy I was with Lovey today. (oh yea i got to watch him play madden 11 earlier before heading out) Then we went home..i gave my goodnight kisses.

Lord thank you for a wonderful day. I look forward for what you will bring tomorrow. Please keep my family, Alvin and myself healthy and away from illness and have safe travel and in our daily activities for the day. Thank you. Amen.

.;Monday Night football:.

So my day was full of love love love. I tooke care of my lovey as he was not feeling well. I made him chicken noddle soup, got him orange and banana and made is into a smiley face. I also put some Vicks on his body to make him feel better. I slept for a little bit, he played madden 11 and then we went to the doctors to get his dr's note and we went for all you can eat fish and chips for lunch. We went back home and napped and cuddled for about 3 hours. I did the dishes and went home. I made sure he had more soups to eat before leaving.

After today, I thought to myself that I'm ready to be with this man for the rest of my life.I have never been more in love for the second time around. I went home and watched the San Diego and KC football game (14-21)with Love watching it at his house too. They lost but lovey said it was okey because it's only the charger's first game.

I felt a bit sad whenever I have to leave him. I love my family don't get me wrong. I just want to have a family of my own and that is with Alvin and myself.

Lord, thank you for your guidance and strength in everyday. I pray for continuous good health and guidance in our relationship and our school together. As well as starting a new life together as a couple.

.:Love is sweeter the 2nd time around:.

To sum up our very intimate and serious conversation earlier! We finally came into a conclusion that we are still IN Love with each other and cleared things that were left unanswered.

I love you with all my heart and always will. Alvin Guevarra Lescano!

Let's do this together and no more secrets. Let's have our relationship to be more open and be supportive with each other because in the end we only have each other! Again I love you! =*)

.:Paano ko Sasabihin:

Day 1 1/2:
How long should I wait? Should I even bother? I'm still confused myself even though I said goodbye. But I also thought it was what he wanted because i just kept walking away, the door shut and I had to walk further. Was I blinded? Is this actually over? Nothing to go back to and no chances of growing. There's no definite answer. I need this to heal. To put back into pieces. Should I just keep going on my own? *SIGH*

.:after 4years, 8months and 7 days:.

It may have started sweet..but all things has to come in an end..

from {} to { } says a lot. Now, I understand and I believe in the saying "Actions speak louder than words"

.:Lump in my stomach:.

Hiya! So I tried sleeping in till 9 today to get some extra sleep. I ate sopas and toasted bread for breakfast. Started and Finished 1st part of my sister's birthday giveaways while watching my favourite teleserye "Kristine". I picked up my mom from work, picked up kaye from work, drove all the way to Metrotown to pick up Emmy's dress that took us an hour to drive due to MAJOR MAJOR traffic. Anyways so she tried it on again and it fit her. Walked around for a little bit, and a big stomach pain started to bother me. It was sharp and only stayed in one region. It was also hurting my left lower back but I felt the little lump that I used to have before. Maybe I'm just feeling a lot of stress lately and body reacting to it in different ways. I listened to it with my stethoscope, i heard bowel sounds and I did move my bowel. I put on this ointment that hopefully will help me through the night. I've been burping, so i'm thinking its gas too, but also the lump is annoying. Anyways I got to talk to my Love for a little bit and he's not feeling so well. =( I wish that I could take care of him but he has told me that specifically he wants the weekdays to himself. I miss him, but I like it also when he misses me back. I told him about how my day went and he did about the same. Nothing much to talk about he was tired and not well. I hope he'll have more things to tell me next time, maybe tomorrow.

Lord first of all I thank you for blessing me with today, a sunny day yet with clouds. I pray for My Love Alvin's health, take away any sickness that is forming in his body in order for him to be able to work and stay healthy. I also pray for his work that his coworkers may treat him nice as well as safe in all they do at work. I also pray for my classmate Louise (my mother in class)as she went through cervix/ovary checkup. Lord may the result of the tests to be something that she does not need to worry about. I pray for my school tomorrow, as I go back and let it be something that I will take on and remember as I will be looking after your people while i'm still here and when I finish this schooling. I pray for my health as well, I am feeling a little different lately. I ask for a healthy life and away from sickness. I ask for travelling mercies for all of us and my sister Chellsa for living away from home. Always keep my friends and family safe. Amen.

.:Partner:.

So I had a really had an interesting night. I cried to sleep. It started off by my sister Chellsa asking me "ate, how are you" and I cried myself out so much that my pain had to be let go somehow. I have been feeling this pain for the past almost a month and a half. Someone already finally had thought of checking up on me, besides God. Anyways so I opened up to my sister Chellsa, of how i'm in pain with my relationship with Alvin. I felt a bit better after crying it all to her, she also prayed for me. Which gave me a sense of comfort. So today, I woke up with swollen eyes and knowing that My Love will be coming over to drive us to Abbotsford today. I did not know what to expect or do. I felt a bit awkward because I have feelings for this guy and I don't even know if he feels the same way. If he didn't feel the same and I see him a lot it just hurts me more. So we finally started talking after a few games of ping pong at my sister's bible college.

And so Love said that he still loves me. I just forgot if he's still IN LOVE with me. He also told me that we were getting to fast in our relationship. We lived together already, and according to him it was just too fast. I just wonder after 5 years I thought a lot has happened already. A lot of our friends even say the only thing missing it to get married and have children together. But at this point in time basing it on what he said by us being too fast in our relationship is that He wants to start everything new again. There's just one question that came across my mind, Does that mean we have to renew the last 5 years of our relationship together? For both of us to actually find out if we're the one for each other I have to wait another 5 years of my lifetime to find a lifetime partner?

Although I also thought wouldn't dating couple have been decided to get married because they want to grow old together and find out more things about each other as an individual...it's part of the relationship...or could it mean that he's just not in that mentality yet.

Honestly, I'd want to be married with someone that will take care of me as long as he can and grow with me through faith, as well as be the best friend I ever had as long as I am still living. I NEED a MAN who has no doubts, fears, and second thoughts with his decision as long as he has thought of them ahead of time. I'm not asking for someone spontaneous but for someone to have me as a privilege to be part of his life and be considered as one of his many blessings.

I need a partner that will understand me however circumstances I am in, whether i'm in a bad, sad, lonely, happy mood and you name all the emotions. I want to be able to share that with him as well as his own emotions. I will pray that I will be the same in treating my partner as how I want to be treated; with respect, importance and not humiliated with what he has which is ME! =D.

...Around 9ish pm the door bell rang. I got scared because we're not expecting anyone..Emalean opened the door and it was to my surprise my Love Alvin. He dropped off my bus pass that I forgot to get from him when I dropped him off. It was my reason to offer him a ride home. It was still worth it because, "i'm not suppose to see him" but there he was at the front door. he was a little hesitant with giving me a Kiss (that got me sad) because again it gives me reasons why he's doing that to our relationship. I want to know his motive and reasons. He kissed me before. Does he not have any spark or chemistry whenever he kisses me? or Is it just a kiss of showing PITY? (Love, I know that one day you'll get to read this. I would like an answer if that's okey. So I know it's just fair for me to know and not be left so clueless on where I stand)

Lord I surrender everything to you and I know in your will everything and every pieces will be put together somehow.

.:I can't put my finger on it:.

It all started Friday when to rude girls came and entered the 'abode'. All I heard was complaints of being hot in the room and just being rude. I find that they have no care in the world of who's house they're in. They never care if they had spills or left any mess and just left. So I didn't have the mood to go clubbing but I ended up going. We didn't get in the club until passed 11. Slept in on Saturday morning and picked up the car. It was still a bitter sweet feeling towards each other. Very short tempered and pissed of being beside me the whole day. I went to my friend Camille's wedding. It was a nice reception ambiance. Sunday, I slept in until 9. I made breakfast and still a bitter sweet. I'm finding reasons I feel that it's not working and running out of love to give. It came into a decision that time apart may be happening, due to some conclusion that there will be no time for me as he wants to have his own activities for himself and for the weekends I'm usually with my family. We don't enjoy the same things together anymore or I don't even know if we ever have?

I hope my prayer request will be answered.

.:Energy - Keri Hilson:.

I just realize i'm actually experiencing what the song is all about...

I wish I could rip out a page of my memory
Cuz I put to much enegry in him and me
Can't wait til I get through this phase
Cuz it's killing me
To bad we can't re-write our own history

Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy
We gotta re-reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all of (my energy)

Seems only like yesterday
Not even gravity
Could keep your feet
Off the ground
When u go to me
How can two be as one
We've become to divided now
There's no use hiding from my misery
Such a mystery when he's here with me
It's hard to believe I'm still lonely
Chances fading now, patience running out
This ain't how it's supposed to be

I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy (Oh, Yeah)
We gotta re-reverse the chemistry
(We gotta re-)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy
Energy, My Energy
Taking all my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Energy)
Taking all of

Cause your taking all of my energy
I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy
We gotta reverse the chemistry
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love is taking all of my energy

I'm having nightmares
From sleeping with the enemy (Oh)
We gotta reverse the chemistry (Oh, Oh)
I don't want us to be the end of me
This love
Is taking all of my energy (Energy)
Energy (Energy), My Energy (Oh)
Taking all my energy (Oh-Oh)
Energy, My Energy (Taking all of me)
Taking all of

Ya killing me
Ya taking all of me yeah, oh
This love is taking all of my energy

.:Happy to be Single:.

I didn't get that much sleep last night, I kept worrying about my healing test today. Thank goodness I passed, although next exam I will do much better. I believe the reason for me not doing as well is that I don't feel too inspired lately and useless. I got out early from class today. Consequently, Kim, Ate Arlene, Shirley and Myself witnessed a guy being arrested. It started off as just a normal conversation but the "suspect" was refusing to give his name for a ticket in not purchasing a fare. How could you be so stupid. a $2.50 fare compared to a $500 fine or ticket? And swearing at the cops and refusing orders is not going to get any better. So the male cop was about to rest the man because of his attitude. The "suspect" was resisting and therefore it ended up into a big brawl. 2 other cops was present at the scene and a sky train staff. To sum it all up, it was a scary scene.
Then i carried on to the sky train and stopped by Metrotown to grab some candies from Sweet Factory. I got my chocolate covered gummies and my fave sour candies. I shared them with my sisters and surprisingly I still have some left.
I had dinner with my family, James and Domer were over to join us. It was a filipino delicacy, (dilis, boiled egg, boiled tomato, and galungong). Also I skyped with Oli! I hope I was able to do what he did. To live far away from home.

Haven't really heard a lot from my love today. He's got his own plans as he wants to do activities for himself. As I am only allowed to spend the weekends with him. I wonder if I die during the weekday what could happen? I just have to go by the saying "everything happens for a reason". I feel that he's enjoying his time with other people so, is this a sign for me to make a turn and start my own path? Who knows. If he doesn't find happiness with me, does being single makes one happier?


Lord I lift you up the rest of my evening. I ask for traveling mercies as I have a 10hr work day tomorrow. I ask for guidance and peace of my heart.

heading out to drop of peeps...

.:home bound:.

So I stayed home today attempted to study but i only studies for about 4 hours tops for the day. Had a very intimate and serious conversation with my love. It started off like this.
Alvin
hiya
12:25pmAlvin
hoya
hiya
12:25pmMe
hi
12:26pmAlvin
what time on monday
??
12:26pmMe
i'm not sure i don't have the full details
do you have plans for yourself?
12:27pmAlvin
i was gonna go for a ride
but i will cancel
12:27pmMe
what time is that?
you have no work on monday it's a long weekend
12:27pmAlvin
nope
i planned it for 11am
12:28pmMe
what time is your riding lessons
ok i'll let mom know you're busy
12:28pmAlvin
i planned it for 11am
12:28pmMe
adnan can't get a hold of you daw.
i'll just tell mom you're busy
12:31pmAlvin
i'll just cancel
i'll do it another time
12:31pmMe
i didn't tell you to.
i'm sure it will be fine
12:32pmAlvin
if your mom needs me to drive im willing to to
12:32pmMe
i will let her know. kasi I can drive naman or kaye.
12:32pmAlvin
ok
12:33pmMe
naisip ko din baka mag burst ka nanaman dahil nasasakal ka ulit.
12:33pmAlvin
thats fine
im just trying to find some time to do activities..
that's all
12:34pmMe
kaya nga.
and sometimes i know i can't be part of it
or my family
12:35pmAlvin
weekends we are together on the weekdays you come over...
so its pretty late na during the week to do anything
12:36pmMe
so i don't come over as much. i just did this last week because of the wedding. no worries you have more alone time
12:37pmAlvin
hindi nmn sa ayaw ko na mag come over ka
it's just by the time you leave it's too late too do anything else
12:37pmMe
yun nga. ako nag come over. I find time to go to you instead. coz you don't have time to go to me
12:38pmAlvin
we spend lots of time on the weekend
12:38pmMe
so I won't bother coming over because you want to find your own activities. no worries starting your league you'll have your sunday's to yourself
and hopefully when i start working. you'll find more activities and time to do what you want.
12:40pmAlvin
i hope your not taking this the wrong way love
12:40pmMe
when I was over last week. you left for your lessons. i didn't complain.
You just want more time for activities right?
12:40pmAlvin
i know but i felt bad that you were home alone
now that i have my weekends with you
and fridays
12:41pmMe
that's only for a short time. sooner or later i need to work to save up for my National exam which is worth a 2 weeks paychq and for my practicum
12:43pmAlvin
honestly im looking for activities during the week so that i dont get stuck doing nothing at home but watch tv
12:44pmMe
which you have been doing
12:44pmAlvin
ya and i need to change that
12:45pmAlvin
right now im looking for a program to take in the winter
12:45pmMe
i mean you have been going out during weekdays. You have your bball, your p90x, motor lessons..
12:46pmAlvin
p90x i did twice since i got back form san diego
bball once with mike
motorcycle 2 times
12:46pmMe
how about with douglas people
12:47pmAlvin
they are kinda busy preparing for school
12:47pmMe
all i'm saying i haven't been taking your weekdays away from you. It was only this week that I spent a lot of time at your place
12:47pmAlvin
i know
im just saying what i need to start doing
12:48pmMe
and you have been.
what do you want to accomplish by the end of this year if you don't mind me asking
12:50pmAlvin
i would like to have a more active life
12:50pmMe
what do you feel that is missiing in your life right now?
12:51pmAlvin
im starting out with a new hobby which is the photgraphy
ewan ko nga ba love
nalulungkot lng ako
sensya ka na ha
12:52pmMe
am I not doing my job to keep you happy and content with life?
12:52pmAlvin
hindi ikaw
12:53pmMe
"it's not you it's me" ganon ba?
12:53pmAlvin
parang patapos na buhay ko pero wala pa ako nagagawa
hindi nmn ganion
ganon
im thinking
baka kelangan ko umuwi ng pinas
para makita ko ang inay
she's getting older and natatakot na ako
so overall depressed lng cguro ako
12:56pmMe
kasi for me ang buhay hindi kailangan make it complicated. Pwede simple lang. HIndi ko kailangan ng sobrang bagay sa buhay ko kasi i'm happy with what i have in the present
well i told you that long time ago but you never listened to me. you had the oppurtunity with the money you received pero ayaw mo. you insisted.
this kind of thing gives me so much pain, because I feel that I don't have anything to offer for you kasi you're not happy.
it is also reflected on me. that's why I say things and always ask you if you still have feelings for me. all along this is what you're feeling and been hiding pala.
12:58pmAlvin
i have feeling pa rin nmn eh
di nmn mawawala yun
12:59pmMe
meron din ako nararamdaman i hope you take consideration of that din. kasi i always think na meron ka din nararamdaman. its not fair for me din na you hide things.
you said "i have feeling pa rin naman eh" is there a pero? what feeling is that?
12:59pmAlvin
i know pero ayaw ko mag worry ka especially taht you are doing well in school
that mahal pa rin kita
1:00pmMe
what is mahal to you?
1:00pmAlvin
i love and care for you
1:00pmMe
as a friend.
1:00pmAlvin
as a friend andgf
1:00pmMe
What are your priorities right now, if i may ask
1:01pmAlvin
my priority right now is to marry you
1:01pmMe
be honest please
1:01pmAlvin
i am you can marivic and kennedy
ive been talking to them about it behind your back
asking for advice
looking into planning
you can ask them...
1:02pmMe
pero i feel that you're moset priority is your inay.
i don't want to take that away
ayoko magsisi ka sa huli
1:03pmAlvin
thats also a plan but i would like you to be with me when i go back
1:03pmMe
alam mo naman hindi ko afford yun love.
i haven't even saved up for my trip next year.
as much as I want to be in the picture. i'm not
1:04pmAlvin
well make sure you are
brb
1:05pmMe
nalulungkot ako for you dahil hindi mo magawa gusto mo. I feel that I'm the hindrance to your dream

In the afternoon he came over for like 30mins but the whole time he was trying to get our phone fixed because we couldn't make calls from it. We were about to leave to the filipino store and he asked me if i wanted some hickory stick and my answer was "im good" ofcourse our little game "what's your name?" came up. I answered...My name is Alannah "i'm good" Toribio LESCANO! I was so shocked that I answered so quickly without thinking I was shocked with myself. It came to a point where I became a good laugh for the both of us. I felt embarrassed and apologized because It's not my last name that I mentioned. He's going to play ball with his newly found friends tonight at Dougie. I hope he keep himself safe and no injuries. I hope he's accident free and careful. I dropped him off and bought me subway for my lunch tomorrow. Thanks Love. I dropped him off. So, I found out that he's more of himself and talk more when we talk on chat. He rarely talks to me face to face. I hope someday he can talk to me with his emotions face to face and not just always joke around. I find that He can talk to me face to face if he's joking around, or making UTOS, or when he's mad..pero not when he's hurting inside or his real emotions are. I don't get to see his soft side. Anyhow I pray that I will pass my Healing 3 Test 1 tomorrow. I plan on studying in the morning so I have to wake up early.

I hope he calls me goodnight. Tonight and not be in a bad mood.

Lord thank you for giving me enough sleep last night and for the wonderful weather. I look forward to another day with my loves. Please provide me with wisdom and knowledge to answer all the questions in my exam tomorrow morning. I also pray for continuous guidance with my schooling as well as my relationship with Alvin. May it grow deeper and meaningful as we put you in the middle of our relationship until it is your will for us to be together. Amen

.:need a huggy to keep me warm:.

Oh my! sorry to have been delaying my blog. I was busy the last few days. It all started last Thursday where I had school all day, and the wedding rehearsal for the Colasi and Angeles wedding (oh I also saw a baby deer). Friday i got pampered with my Love. We enjoyed our first time together to have his first mani and pedi. It was so relaxing and he even got his hair cut for the wedding! He looked so handsome that night and he's always been since I met him. Hello! we've been together for almost 5 YEARS! I am not ashamed of that!

Saturday:
Started of my day by waking up at 6 to get ready for my hair and make up. Met up with the rest of the bridal party at Best western hotel in Coquitlam with my Love and sister Kaye. I'll take this opportunity to give my big Thank you and Appreciation for my Love Alvin Lescano for driving us and helping out with the set up for the wedding. Thank you for taking pictures and glad to hear that you made new friends! =D. It was also a beautiful day to have a wedding and I got to drive a golf cart! It was so much fun.

Sunday:
I woke up beside my love. I miss those times. WE had breakfast at PHO on kingsway. Then we napped together, I went to church by myself because lovey had to wait for the cable guy but didn't end up coming. He dropped off a glass of wine at his Friend Jeff's house warming and drove to Kat's parents house in surrey for her bday.

Monday:
I stayed home during the day cooked fish for mom and gave her her shot (apparently I'm getting better at it). Did some homework for today and spent the night at Lovey's.

Tuesday:
It was a rainy day for Nursing Arts Class today. I didn't want to get up this morning. I wanted to stay in bed. I also noticed that my love is a little off today. Probably got up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't he has days where I find he's so bitchy and does not have the appetite to talk to me at all. Oh and he did it again. He tells me one thing of what he's doing, cancels, but at the end of the night tells me that he went out. Like for example going to best buy, he said he would go there to get something for his laptop. Then I get a text that he didn't end up going. Then just before he says goodnight, he tells me that he ended up going. I wonder if I put myself in his shoes. I wonder what he'll feel. I tell him one thing, i change my mind without telling him and see how he'll react to it. Is it being careless that you don't care of what your other half may wonder where you may have been? Thinking too much may be too dramatic for your but I CARE.


I need a huggy to keep me warm

.:rainbow:.

So I was trying to go to sleep but my eyes are wide open and my mind is not shutting down. Tears started falling down my face and what kept bothering me is I am always finding reasons of why I don't feel loved at all. I thought sleepingover would help it but the feeling is worst? Isn't it suppose to be better? Why do I have reasons to think that there has been someone or somethig else that has replaced me. I don't know where I stand anymore. I don't even know who to ask? I feel alone and just like a shadow that only appears when needed or when the sun is up. I feel bot needed and no purpose to be here beside anyone, even you. It seems to me that it's game over or the time is up. Is te feeling of being miserable a sign? Feeling of empitiness? Feeling of doubt? Feeling of no patience? Feeling of givig up? Feeling useless? Feeling just like a toy, that I inly get attention if you need something to play with?

I thought I'm suppose to feel like special? I don't. I thought I'm suppose to be treated like a princess or a queen? But I don't. I thought I'm suppose to be boasted by your world and be proud that I am here and part of you but I don't. I might probably be dreaming and I just woke up from a nightmare. Is this the truth? Am I actually facing the truth? Is it time for me to wake up and stand up to tell and slap myself get real? I honselty do not know what I'm suppose
to do. I'm confused and lost. Because I feel that I've lost you already. Can you just tell me?

Wherever you are - south border