.:need a huggy to keep me warm:.

Oh my! sorry to have been delaying my blog. I was busy the last few days. It all started last Thursday where I had school all day, and the wedding rehearsal for the Colasi and Angeles wedding (oh I also saw a baby deer). Friday i got pampered with my Love. We enjoyed our first time together to have his first mani and pedi. It was so relaxing and he even got his hair cut for the wedding! He looked so handsome that night and he's always been since I met him. Hello! we've been together for almost 5 YEARS! I am not ashamed of that!

Saturday:
Started of my day by waking up at 6 to get ready for my hair and make up. Met up with the rest of the bridal party at Best western hotel in Coquitlam with my Love and sister Kaye. I'll take this opportunity to give my big Thank you and Appreciation for my Love Alvin Lescano for driving us and helping out with the set up for the wedding. Thank you for taking pictures and glad to hear that you made new friends! =D. It was also a beautiful day to have a wedding and I got to drive a golf cart! It was so much fun.

Sunday:
I woke up beside my love. I miss those times. WE had breakfast at PHO on kingsway. Then we napped together, I went to church by myself because lovey had to wait for the cable guy but didn't end up coming. He dropped off a glass of wine at his Friend Jeff's house warming and drove to Kat's parents house in surrey for her bday.

Monday:
I stayed home during the day cooked fish for mom and gave her her shot (apparently I'm getting better at it). Did some homework for today and spent the night at Lovey's.

Tuesday:
It was a rainy day for Nursing Arts Class today. I didn't want to get up this morning. I wanted to stay in bed. I also noticed that my love is a little off today. Probably got up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't he has days where I find he's so bitchy and does not have the appetite to talk to me at all. Oh and he did it again. He tells me one thing of what he's doing, cancels, but at the end of the night tells me that he went out. Like for example going to best buy, he said he would go there to get something for his laptop. Then I get a text that he didn't end up going. Then just before he says goodnight, he tells me that he ended up going. I wonder if I put myself in his shoes. I wonder what he'll feel. I tell him one thing, i change my mind without telling him and see how he'll react to it. Is it being careless that you don't care of what your other half may wonder where you may have been? Thinking too much may be too dramatic for your but I CARE.


I need a huggy to keep me warm

.:rainbow:.

So I was trying to go to sleep but my eyes are wide open and my mind is not shutting down. Tears started falling down my face and what kept bothering me is I am always finding reasons of why I don't feel loved at all. I thought sleepingover would help it but the feeling is worst? Isn't it suppose to be better? Why do I have reasons to think that there has been someone or somethig else that has replaced me. I don't know where I stand anymore. I don't even know who to ask? I feel alone and just like a shadow that only appears when needed or when the sun is up. I feel bot needed and no purpose to be here beside anyone, even you. It seems to me that it's game over or the time is up. Is te feeling of being miserable a sign? Feeling of empitiness? Feeling of doubt? Feeling of no patience? Feeling of givig up? Feeling useless? Feeling just like a toy, that I inly get attention if you need something to play with?

I thought I'm suppose to feel like special? I don't. I thought I'm suppose to be treated like a princess or a queen? But I don't. I thought I'm suppose to be boasted by your world and be proud that I am here and part of you but I don't. I might probably be dreaming and I just woke up from a nightmare. Is this the truth? Am I actually facing the truth? Is it time for me to wake up and stand up to tell and slap myself get real? I honselty do not know what I'm suppose
to do. I'm confused and lost. Because I feel that I've lost you already. Can you just tell me?

Wherever you are - south border

.:My mind speaks:.

I woke up pretty early for a no school day. I had to run to Canadian tire and the post office for my mom and to North Vancouver for her naturopath. I actually got my first IM injection experience it was so scary especially giving it on a family member. After that, I went to new west to pick up Love and drive me to my hair appointment. I have blonde streaks and short bob cut hair.

Then suddenly after my hair appointment AL mood changes to someone that is very short tempered (nothing new) after finding out that one of his favourite friend is not going he decided not to go to our friends dinner anymore after I said that he decided to go. I mean who would not feel bad maybe he wouldn't but if he didn't want to go at all maybe he should speak up about it. I would have probably understood before not after when we're on our way home giving me the silent treatment and making me feel I have done something wrong. If you're tired tell me not after going to the dinner.
At times I feel like I have had it. I always have to make everything work an be the man. Who is the guy in the relationship? Not me! why do you give me reasons to think that this is not working anymore? Why do I always have to feel that getting married is not an option? Why do I feel that this is just still a short term relationship? Is it time for me to realize that there's nothing to look forward about US anymore? I don't want to waste each others time. If
I'm the only one that tries to make it work? I'm sorry but I can't work alone in a
relationship. When can my feelings matter? I have a heart too and I get hurt. If I am tired,
I say I'm tired. I know when to stand my ground how about you?





my mind is speaking out loud

but Lord I thank you for this problem and it just makes me look forward to one day closer
until I see You and My Daddy!

.:oxygen therapy and change:.

hi ya'll! On my way to school this morning about to get off Broadway and I saw Mahal (Little) after a long time and I saw her engagement ring! It was very pretty. Makes me wonder when I will get to wear one of those sparkly things =D. Anyways so school was pretty interesting, I learned about oxygen therapy and it is considered a drug therefore we have to get a doctor's order. There are different types of oxgen apparatus and there are too many to mention. Also I learned about change in Professional Growth, I learned that change is something that I should embrace and not take it as something negative but positive. Change can be something good or bad. Good in order to grow and to be challenged, bad; because it could be perceived as being negative and failure. All in all there is no right or wrong with change its just a matter of dealing with it.


I headed home (New Westminster) to help Lovey to do some dishes because it was piling up. >.< Stinky garbage was full of fruit flies and insects starting to go around it. So Lovey cleaned up the kitchen and I washed the dishes. Unfortunately, I left with more dishes from dinner. Speaking of dinner, my LOVE made a wondering bbq chicken breast. It was mmmmYummMMMmmmmMMM! Thanks Love for a wonderful dinner and for the Lovey time!


So walking up the skytrain station I was right behind, James, Emalean and Kaye. It was such a coincidence of how they were just on their way home from dinner and I was heading home too! So I was glad to get a ride home from the skytrain. I also startled all three of them..I had a good laugh afterwards.


Now at this present time, I'm watching Kristine with my sisters Kaye and Chellsa and brother Domer! James just left too bad he's not into filipino shows. Oh well. p.s. Martha Cecilia's Kristine is giving me lots of butterflies in my stomach. I also got my sister hooked into the story and maybe Chellsa and Domer haha.


Love thank you for the dinner and again surprised me or I don't know what you call it, you did it again...Sudden plans..but good on you for learning standard.


Lord thank you for a wonderful day and giving me the time and strenght to spend it with my loves. Looking forward to tomorrow.

.:Hot and Cold:.

The day started to be cold. So woke up really cozy in my bed. Cooked tinapa in the oven and mailed something for my mom. Then off to my study area! My love's PAD! Yes I find my alone time in his pad while he is at work. I'm just a little sad lots of fruit flies in the kitchen and stinky! Note to self to do some cleaning up this weekend. I did most of my Nursing ARts homework which I'm happy about and did my readings for Professional Growth. So I thought that I did good with school work.

I prepared nando's for Lovey's lunch but he did not eat it until after work. It was good though he still had one hour to spend time with me. I also had an hour nap. I felt good after when Lovey was there to wake me! =D. I just can't get enough of my Love, I miss him everyday and i can't really hide how much I am in love with him. *sigh* I just pray that he will feel the same. Even at times I don't see or feel that he feels the same way but all that matters right now is giving all my love and my all to someone I can love right? Just keep giving the love.

I had dinner with Ryan and ate Ragelle and cockney kings to have all you can eat fish and chips but we only had a plate, it was enough. Then lovey went out to play ball with Mike C and his buddies. Just got sad when I just left and he got home so we just missed each other.


I hope I don't sound addicted to you but I just can't get enough of loving you. I thought to myself why not keep loving, I still have my heart that beats every second, every minute, every hour, every day for you, why stop? I think the only time i'll is when i'm physically gone but that doesn't mean I will stop loving you forever.


Just waiting for a goodnight call and i'm pretty much ready for what tomorrow brings. This is not goodbye but I will see you later!


i.miss.you.dearly.

in love

.:Pain:.

I'm in need of TLC, because i'm in pain and longing for cuddle moments. Make me feel like i'm a baby and just shower me with lots of hugs and kisses. Kisses on the forehead, kisses on my nose, kisses on my cheeks, kisses on my neck, kisses on my hands, kisses on my ears, kisses on my shoulder, kisses on my lips..lots and lots of hugs and kisses....

I had my first exam of Semester 3, for Health 3. I will find out on Tuesday what I got on it..I hope I passed.

Thank you Lord for a wonderful day. I survived the pain despite of how it was making me feel so uncomfortable and so much weakness.


I love you, you, and you...very much indeed! <3

.:My Game:.

I just realize despite my family and other loved ones, It will still be me against the world. I still have to play my own game. So far, I have been the only one in control and will face my own destiny. This is my game. Just depends on those who wants to play in it.

.:Survival:.

Will I survive this pain tonight? Medication not working, ointment not working, weather not helping, studying put to a stop, to give me TLC? no one...AGGGHHH how much longer...sufferring..maybe I deserve this..

.:Games and Night market:.

.:Games and family night:.
So yesterday(Friday) I did a few things. I got to do some bridesmaid duties. I was able to help my friend Kat ( the bride to be) on her wedding prep and went to bridal stores to look for her shoes and a garter. Then I went to a dinner with Love for our friend Daniel's bday dinner at Anton's we ordered the New Orleans which was very spicy. So next time we'll order something else. After dinner we headed to Alvin's hous for some drinks, played call of duty on the xbox and last but not the least played the proper game and following the rules of monopoly. It was a great day yesterday wonderful weather, spent with friends and ended with a blessed day.
P.s gummy bear mmmMMMmmmmm 


.:Saturday:.
Slept in and woke up beside my love. Did some cleaning up made sinangag for breakfasdt and hot cocoa. (: did some homework for Wednesday now I just need to study for a test. Night market with ma, Kaye, chellsa and Domer. Long day so so long and goodnight. 


I love you so much my love. Lord thank you for Lessing me the last couple of days.

.:KO.OZA:.

All I can say the highlight of my day was being able to witness Cirque du Soleil KO.OZA for the very first time. It was awesome. Thanks to my love for having to witness it with me for the first time and along with my sisters and a few friends. It was worth it! Lovey thank you for a wondering time. Looking forward for more days of memories with you!. Oh and another thing my friend Little (Mahal) got engaged today! Congratulations to them! Love you both.



Lord thank you for a wonderful week!

.:Productive Wednesday:.

I woke up with the Sun shining on my face. Did my normal routine look at my phone, and what put a smile on my face is usually when I don't have school my LOVE sends me a Good morning text =D *big smile*, then I shower, have breakfast, turned on TFC and watched a few of my favorite shows at the moment. I also cleaned up some of my clothes from the garage and sorted the ones I'll donate and hand me downs for my sisters.


Then I went to New West made an appointment for my nails for the wedding then to do some homework and yes I did finish my homework. I actually do better when I do my homework in a quiet place (ok not so quiet a little bit of sound but less people) and where I can just scatter all my books and no one interrupting me while doing homework. I also had a 20mins power nap.


I even had time to make dinner for LOVE. It was just a quick decision while he picked up his camera. I thought to myself, I should cook dinner for him so he does not have to buy outside food. I was planning on cooking chicken adobo but when I told him he requested chicken tinola. =S I was not familiar with cooking that but I took the chances. The outcome? The taster said it was too much water and I did not sautee the chicken, onion and garlic =S I guess maybe that's why the Chicken's taste did not seep through the soup. For a first time I think I did well though. //"whispering eye"//


On my way home on the other hand, were two drunk people on the bus. One sat next to me and started saying "Kamusta ka" ofcourse not having anyone to protect me, I pretended that I could not understand tagalog, I did not make any eye contact either. The other drunk guy was standing almost in front of me and reached over just to open the window behind me...DOUBLE GROSS! and They were nasty! I called Love to keep me company but I figured he was busy so I had to let him go right away. I was just praying to get to my stop ASAP! Finally it was my stop and while walking home, I saw $2 US bill. I picked it up and thought why not. I gave it to my Mommy and left it on top of the dryer to get heated a bit. Who knows what kind of germs has been on it. But i kinda got in trouble because I forgot to warm up the red car. Note to self: warm up red car tomorrow after school.



I thought I had a productive day because I was able to do a lot of things in a day. A bit tired though so I will be sleeping a little early tonight probably in 30mins.



Refreshed/Productive/Love/Organize

.:too judgmental:.

I woke up at 0500 so I get to have some hot water. I planned on going to lovey's house early in the morning to cuddle but I decided that I'll just cuddle after school. So I went straight to school and did some homework.

Nursing arts class seemed like a drag today a lot of review but I looked forward to taking out staples and sutures on a dummy. Looking forward to the real thing. I also found out the different kinds of drainage:hemovac, "jp", and penrose. I didn't stay for practice lab because we have a family dinner to go to at Pastor Ron's.I went to lovey's house, I thought I'd stay there but I had to go home for a change of plans because Kaye will not be home until 1900. I killed time by watching tfc what else.
We arrived at 2000 the Gómez family was there and tita gigi's family and my family. We had some BBQ and the kids played pool, fooze ball and air hockey. It was fun but I wished lovey was with us. I didn't know that it was automatic that he's also invited.


another wedding of my friend Camille is coming up on sept 4 of 2010 and Alvin and I are invited. I already said yes even though lovey has not heard about it yet. But a sister of mine got so dramatic that she already went on and on about me to not bother to go to her debut. Give me a break first of all you haven't booked the hall and second I don't see a lot of planning on it. so cut the attitude and be less dramatic. You seem like you know all the things in life and do me a favor don't come into conclusion and don't put words into my mouth you haven't learned the so called "life".

maybe you should also think before you talk because your way of speaking is disrespectful at times and too much judgment invovled. And oh yeah big time SARCASM! Cut it coz I don't buy it. Be real no need your mumbo jumbo non sense and stop with "just kidding"even though you mean it coz who kid around if your so serious. Come on be real! You still have yet need to experience life you got it easy actually, but let me be. All I ask is respect. That's all.


go//fight//win

.:Marvelous Monday:.

It's that time again. To be honest i'm feeling blank right now. I can only highlight a little bit of my day that I thought would be marvelous. First, I started off my morning by waking up at 0545 to drop off my mom to work. Second, was my class 5 exam at 1115-1200 this morning, the verdict? I passed. So glad to have a class 5 license; no restrictions except for wearing corrective lenses which is no problem. I did a few errands for the Lancer again bought parts for it. Then got dropped off by Chellsa at my Physio for my "ankle". Unfortunately my ankle really does have a problem. So the physiotherapist gave me some exercises to do for my ankle and legs just to strengthen it. She also mentioned that if I do run already not to overdue it. Apparently as a runner from when I was younger and stopping from that habit for a while will be a little bit challenging for me. I need to focus on strengthening not straining. Starting of with a circuit exercise in order to strengthen and build endurance. The electric thing that was on my leg was pretty relaxing. I hope to get that for myself, so I don't have to pay for it everytime. Took the bus home, had a snack and headed out again to drop off Lancer to the mechanic. We left him there and not sure when he'll be out to discharge. He was admitted as an acute patient and needs a day surgery. Corny huh..



Anyways, bf had some issues today. Imagine I always ask questions pretty much everyday and he questions me on why I question him of why he's working out for 2 hours? First of all, how the hell would I know what kind of workout he was doing. Obviously no freaking idea! SEcond, he was just blah. Didn't like the attitude. It's an ongoing thing. During the weekdays our relationship as I say can be hmmm down the drain? But weekends are fine..I have no idea why. It should be the same but not constant because that's boring. Whatever, the only thing that I can do is take a deep breath and try to stretch, shake and let it go. I should step back for now.



I did get to do some homework but not a lot. I had a little bonding time with sister and mom over dining table. So it was good.



Anyhow, part of my day was all in all, Marvelous Thanks to you, you never cease to break my heart. I just turn back and look at the other side to find my other love.

.:Sweet Sunday:.

Hello again. I better start off by saying that my day did not start off well because I woke up from having a huge nightmare at 0400 and another one at 0600. I considered them nightmares because my LOVE was not in my arms but on someone else's arm =*(. I could not remember the exact details on what happened, all I know is that it was a nightmare and I hope to not dream about it anymore.


Then I got ready to start off the rest of my day. I took the transit to get to Love's house. A little bit of shower but it's more like misty rain. I was walking to the bus stop and I saw my grandma walking home, so I hurriedly jay walked across the street to avoid her. (I have to tell the issue later on if ever an incident comes up; which i'm not really looking forward too). Anyways so I avoided her. I caught my 1003 bus and It was a good feeling because riding the bus sometimes gives me that freedom to think and just relax and enjoy the ride. I also took the train which was not really a long ride.


I got to Love's house and the cable guy was there too! I am so happy that now he has cable =D. WE don't have to be bored at home if we just decide to stay home and cuddle because, he pretty much have the channels we both like. If ever we want to watch different shows there's an extra tv in the bedroom =D. We were not able to watch today because I had a hair and make up consultation in Oakridge Centre. Before heading to the mall, we stopped by Sui Sha Ya, for some all you can eat because we were starving! I enjoyed that too. Then we hurriedly took the train to Joyce Stn to get to the mall and I was looking forward to getting some sample make up but did not happen because I had to pay. Anyways I enjoyed the commute there because It was with my LOVE! We also got to take Canada Line to get to Granville Stn. That was fun too! We walked around PC mall for a little bit and ended up at H&M. Lovey got a couple things: one that would match his red shoes and the other was a light jacket to match his green converse! what a fashionista huh! I also noticed that there were a lot of gay guys that shop there (no racism intended). Then we started to feel tired, we stopped by dairy queen and got ourselves a MINI strawberry cheesecake blizzard. mmmmYUM! =P Then we had to go back to Metrotown to pick up a picture that was framed for my MOM. We finally got home, rested for a little bit and decided that I get the car at home so Lovey's XBOX to get fixed. So we took the bus home to my house and picked up the Lancer. Lovey got his XBOX fixed and a big smile from left to right across his face! VOILA! another all nighter for him. Before heading home to New West we decided to try the greek restaurant on COLUMBIA! I might say with the water scenery and the food sounds really good. Food and View was great!


I had enjoyed my long weekend as it was filled with tears, joy, laughter and full of LOVE all because of my one and only ALVIN LESCANO!. Again, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, for giving me your unconditional LOVE this past few days. I hope I am returning all that LOVE back to you. It may not be financially but your undying support and care. THank you so so so much. I love you very very very much.




p.s You said that this will be our last meal eating out. I don't think that will happen because it's Daniel's dinner this Friday. >.< Sorry but wait we can share that plate. It's pasta and big servings, I hope you don't mind sharing. Pray for my exam tomorrow please. I love you.


more p.s Not sure if you will be reading this tonight because as I type this your eyes is just drawn to the television playing MADDEN 11. Hope you're having fun. I miss you already xoxo. thank you for a sweet, swaggah, sexy, fabulous, furious weekend! =* I am looking forward for more

.:Swaggah Saturday:.

Another day had gone and boy was it ever frustrating but my mood changed until my "LOVE" was there to the rescue!

I slept in for a little bit got up at 0830. Got my wax done and the lady who did my wax made me cry. I have been getting my wax done at that salon and I never cried until this random lady did my wax on me! Made me shout the F word..and real tears I mean real tears are running down because of pain. The wax sa so damn hot when she applied it on my armpit and she did NOT APOLOGIZE. I was so sarcastic that I was the one that said sorry. So after the waxing session, one of the lady asked me if I was okey, obviously I said NO! Unfortunately, I still paid but never gave a single tip. I will go back to the salon but never will ever have that lady touch me ever again!

Let's move on doing errands for my mom, I went to LORDCO to buy things needed for the Lancer and boy was it expensive. I feel bad for my mom the only charge of our finances. That's why one reason I want to finish school is somehow help out but of course I also want to start my own life. So i'm just being patient. Then I went home because, I was suppose to wait for my sister Kaye to get ready so we can bring our gowns to a seamstress. She said we're going just after lunch and it was 1230 she was not even showered or had eaten. I was so agitated because to me TIME IS MONEY!, so I left her behind and did my own errands. I dropped off Emmy at scottroad stn to meet up with Oli and I drove to New West to pick up my LOVER! =D Then we started off heading to Metrotown. Looked for SUIT for my love but failed. We went to pick up the frame for my mom, it was not ready so we went to Orange Corner to grab a bite. Then headed to look for more suit around the mall but failed. Looked for a place to get my dress hemmed but OMG it cost $110 before taxes. I was like nevermind. Let's look somewhere else. I also realized that I am claustrophobic around people especially in the mall. So we headed to columbia street (as what the bride Kat)told me that Golden Bridal has cheap alteration charges. So Love and I headed there and VOILA! $75 worth of alteration for my dress not bad and It will be done by the 16th. Ofcourse I feel better because they are a bridal shop after all, so they know how to deal with gowns. Then still we had to find a suit for Love, we drove all the way to Queensborough landing, it was raining mind you but it was alright. We were flying! haha j/k We drove to MOores; failed, International clothing; failed (bad service) and finally MEXX!!and yes SUCCESS! Lovey got his SUIT for the wedding. It just needs alterations and it will be good. So we had a lot accomplished today =D. After that, we headed home to New West and ordered Thai food.mmmYUM! and watched HOT TUB TIME MACHINE! LOVE LOVE LOVe! o.O


I am so blessed to have Alvin as he showed me his unconditional LOVE and understanding. I may be complicated to understand at times and that's when he PMS's too but we still make up afterwards. Thank you for a wonderful day and spending it with me. Looking forward to tomorrow!

p.s I am looking forward to that day! =D Sorry that you can't play your MADDEN 11..just buy a new XBOX! I know you want a camera but both of them can be bought in the future..and OUR IPAD..still there's time for it in OUR FUTURE!

.:Fabulous!Furious!Friday:.

So my day started off by sleeping in until 0830 and yes that is sleeping in for me. Had breakfast (scrammbled eggs, slice of bread and 2 sausages). I also had driving lessons to prepare for my class 5. Then I got the lancer checked if it's safe enough for my road test which is really soon.



Oh and did I mention I was fed up with her? She geta in my nerves sometimes. You sound like I don't help around but you know I have been in this world for 25 years and I beleive I've experienced hardships. I have learned the hard way and you so lucky to have been getting what you want. being younger than me is no excuse because what I expect from you is respect. So please start growing up and be less judgmental.yUou still have yet to experience life and open your eyes. The world is not perfect so live it and accept because you cannot be pleased all the time.




Stopped by at Walmart to get a few things. I felt that he was a bit snappy today. I'm feeling, again its just that MY FEELING, I am starting to feel awkward eating around him or even showing myself. I feel like my self-esteem is going down the drain, I don't feel like I belong to anyone or anybody, I feel like just staying at home and isolating myself. Is it my depression kicking in again? well I welcome you. O.o




2218: Just waiting for family to get home, they went to night market without me, I should have gone with them. Oh well I did not know until I got home. I feel like I just want to sleep forever, so I know that everything is fine and dandy..not to worry about tomorrow, and so I don't have to hear, what do I have to do...where are you?..You're not even helping...You're so sensitive...blah blah blah





Respect//Accept//Peace//BeFree//Love//BeLoved

.:muggy day:.

So today I had nursing arts it was all about the hands on stuff..I started practicing with acute medications. It was almost like a review from Semester 2 medication administration, but this time it was for acute patients. It was my first time to mix a sliding scale insulin and an NPH insulin..had a positive feedback from prof. So gave me a boost of confidence..Although the day started really muggy..it was cold in the morning but warm air, school was fun. Next week, I'm looking forward to learning how to take sutures out. This nursing thing is starting to be more fun and chill. I know it is more challenging from my past experience but I'm a lifelong learner and this is what I get for wanting to learn more.

Let talk about LOVE: he was a little short tempered today. Especially with a weather like this, he gets more agitated. I watch and make sure that I'm careful with what I say because he can snap just like that. On a positive note, thank you for your support; Financially and unconditionally being patient with me at times. I know I can be a headache at times, but I need to get some attention somehow. You might already be in your deep sleep now. I will see you in my dreams. Forever will love you unconditionally even we had our good and bad times.

Lord, thank you for a wonderful experience today. Looking forward for what tomorrow brings. Goodnight!

.:start:.

This is new to me. I've started diaries when I was younger but never got around to it that much because, I never wanted to continue them or I was just lazy trying to write all the things that happened to me that same day. This time I will try by just typing all the thoughts and feelings that just come to my mind and let it flow...I hope people do enjoy this...who knows if someone is really reading this..thanks for reading! if you don't like it just close the window and move on and continue with whatever you were doing before this...




p.s when will it be my time to shine?