.:home bound:.

So I stayed home today attempted to study but i only studies for about 4 hours tops for the day. Had a very intimate and serious conversation with my love. It started off like this.
Alvin
hiya
12:25pmAlvin
hoya
hiya
12:25pmMe
hi
12:26pmAlvin
what time on monday
??
12:26pmMe
i'm not sure i don't have the full details
do you have plans for yourself?
12:27pmAlvin
i was gonna go for a ride
but i will cancel
12:27pmMe
what time is that?
you have no work on monday it's a long weekend
12:27pmAlvin
nope
i planned it for 11am
12:28pmMe
what time is your riding lessons
ok i'll let mom know you're busy
12:28pmAlvin
i planned it for 11am
12:28pmMe
adnan can't get a hold of you daw.
i'll just tell mom you're busy
12:31pmAlvin
i'll just cancel
i'll do it another time
12:31pmMe
i didn't tell you to.
i'm sure it will be fine
12:32pmAlvin
if your mom needs me to drive im willing to to
12:32pmMe
i will let her know. kasi I can drive naman or kaye.
12:32pmAlvin
ok
12:33pmMe
naisip ko din baka mag burst ka nanaman dahil nasasakal ka ulit.
12:33pmAlvin
thats fine
im just trying to find some time to do activities..
that's all
12:34pmMe
kaya nga.
and sometimes i know i can't be part of it
or my family
12:35pmAlvin
weekends we are together on the weekdays you come over...
so its pretty late na during the week to do anything
12:36pmMe
so i don't come over as much. i just did this last week because of the wedding. no worries you have more alone time
12:37pmAlvin
hindi nmn sa ayaw ko na mag come over ka
it's just by the time you leave it's too late too do anything else
12:37pmMe
yun nga. ako nag come over. I find time to go to you instead. coz you don't have time to go to me
12:38pmAlvin
we spend lots of time on the weekend
12:38pmMe
so I won't bother coming over because you want to find your own activities. no worries starting your league you'll have your sunday's to yourself
and hopefully when i start working. you'll find more activities and time to do what you want.
12:40pmAlvin
i hope your not taking this the wrong way love
12:40pmMe
when I was over last week. you left for your lessons. i didn't complain.
You just want more time for activities right?
12:40pmAlvin
i know but i felt bad that you were home alone
now that i have my weekends with you
and fridays
12:41pmMe
that's only for a short time. sooner or later i need to work to save up for my National exam which is worth a 2 weeks paychq and for my practicum
12:43pmAlvin
honestly im looking for activities during the week so that i dont get stuck doing nothing at home but watch tv
12:44pmMe
which you have been doing
12:44pmAlvin
ya and i need to change that
12:45pmAlvin
right now im looking for a program to take in the winter
12:45pmMe
i mean you have been going out during weekdays. You have your bball, your p90x, motor lessons..
12:46pmAlvin
p90x i did twice since i got back form san diego
bball once with mike
motorcycle 2 times
12:46pmMe
how about with douglas people
12:47pmAlvin
they are kinda busy preparing for school
12:47pmMe
all i'm saying i haven't been taking your weekdays away from you. It was only this week that I spent a lot of time at your place
12:47pmAlvin
i know
im just saying what i need to start doing
12:48pmMe
and you have been.
what do you want to accomplish by the end of this year if you don't mind me asking
12:50pmAlvin
i would like to have a more active life
12:50pmMe
what do you feel that is missiing in your life right now?
12:51pmAlvin
im starting out with a new hobby which is the photgraphy
ewan ko nga ba love
nalulungkot lng ako
sensya ka na ha
12:52pmMe
am I not doing my job to keep you happy and content with life?
12:52pmAlvin
hindi ikaw
12:53pmMe
"it's not you it's me" ganon ba?
12:53pmAlvin
parang patapos na buhay ko pero wala pa ako nagagawa
hindi nmn ganion
ganon
im thinking
baka kelangan ko umuwi ng pinas
para makita ko ang inay
she's getting older and natatakot na ako
so overall depressed lng cguro ako
12:56pmMe
kasi for me ang buhay hindi kailangan make it complicated. Pwede simple lang. HIndi ko kailangan ng sobrang bagay sa buhay ko kasi i'm happy with what i have in the present
well i told you that long time ago but you never listened to me. you had the oppurtunity with the money you received pero ayaw mo. you insisted.
this kind of thing gives me so much pain, because I feel that I don't have anything to offer for you kasi you're not happy.
it is also reflected on me. that's why I say things and always ask you if you still have feelings for me. all along this is what you're feeling and been hiding pala.
12:58pmAlvin
i have feeling pa rin nmn eh
di nmn mawawala yun
12:59pmMe
meron din ako nararamdaman i hope you take consideration of that din. kasi i always think na meron ka din nararamdaman. its not fair for me din na you hide things.
you said "i have feeling pa rin naman eh" is there a pero? what feeling is that?
12:59pmAlvin
i know pero ayaw ko mag worry ka especially taht you are doing well in school
that mahal pa rin kita
1:00pmMe
what is mahal to you?
1:00pmAlvin
i love and care for you
1:00pmMe
as a friend.
1:00pmAlvin
as a friend andgf
1:00pmMe
What are your priorities right now, if i may ask
1:01pmAlvin
my priority right now is to marry you
1:01pmMe
be honest please
1:01pmAlvin
i am you can marivic and kennedy
ive been talking to them about it behind your back
asking for advice
looking into planning
you can ask them...
1:02pmMe
pero i feel that you're moset priority is your inay.
i don't want to take that away
ayoko magsisi ka sa huli
1:03pmAlvin
thats also a plan but i would like you to be with me when i go back
1:03pmMe
alam mo naman hindi ko afford yun love.
i haven't even saved up for my trip next year.
as much as I want to be in the picture. i'm not
1:04pmAlvin
well make sure you are
brb
1:05pmMe
nalulungkot ako for you dahil hindi mo magawa gusto mo. I feel that I'm the hindrance to your dream

In the afternoon he came over for like 30mins but the whole time he was trying to get our phone fixed because we couldn't make calls from it. We were about to leave to the filipino store and he asked me if i wanted some hickory stick and my answer was "im good" ofcourse our little game "what's your name?" came up. I answered...My name is Alannah "i'm good" Toribio LESCANO! I was so shocked that I answered so quickly without thinking I was shocked with myself. It came to a point where I became a good laugh for the both of us. I felt embarrassed and apologized because It's not my last name that I mentioned. He's going to play ball with his newly found friends tonight at Dougie. I hope he keep himself safe and no injuries. I hope he's accident free and careful. I dropped him off and bought me subway for my lunch tomorrow. Thanks Love. I dropped him off. So, I found out that he's more of himself and talk more when we talk on chat. He rarely talks to me face to face. I hope someday he can talk to me with his emotions face to face and not just always joke around. I find that He can talk to me face to face if he's joking around, or making UTOS, or when he's mad..pero not when he's hurting inside or his real emotions are. I don't get to see his soft side. Anyhow I pray that I will pass my Healing 3 Test 1 tomorrow. I plan on studying in the morning so I have to wake up early.

I hope he calls me goodnight. Tonight and not be in a bad mood.

Lord thank you for giving me enough sleep last night and for the wonderful weather. I look forward to another day with my loves. Please provide me with wisdom and knowledge to answer all the questions in my exam tomorrow morning. I also pray for continuous guidance with my schooling as well as my relationship with Alvin. May it grow deeper and meaningful as we put you in the middle of our relationship until it is your will for us to be together. Amen